Being Yourself Sucks
by HopelessDreamer56
Summary: Roxas gets bullied in school for being gay and can't take it anymore. Axel's afraid that it could be him, so he can't do anything. What happens when Xemnas takes things too far? Will Axel come to Roxas's rescue? ADOPTED from Elizabeth Anne19 and written in my own style. Rated M for reasons. Sorry, but no lemony reasons. AkuRoku
1. Drowning

Okay, so I like men. Is that such a big deal? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one at school. Then again, I might be the only one who doesn't try to hide that little detail. Well, I don't go screaming it to the world and explode in a big gush of rainbows and sparkles. Haha, no. I wear normal clothes, just like every other normal guy, and I don't explode. I just happen to look a lot better.

Lately it's been getting worse, what with prom coming up and all. Everyone is just dying to see 'what other faggot' I'll be bringing with me to this social gathering. Which doesn't make sense, seeing as how I'm constantly being told 'only someone desperate as fuck would want to date me.' I don't know. These kids make no sense whatsoever. Why don't I just not go? Heh, if only it was that easy. If I'm not getting picked on for one thing, I'm getting picked on for the other. Why can't they just leave me alone, for crying out loud?

My own parents don't help out very much, either. They think I have a brain disorder or that I'm defective or something. I left a while ago and am currently staying at my Uncle Cloud's house with his wife, Tifa. They don't think I'm fucked up. Their best friends are a happily married gay couple. My parents think they kidnapped me. Apparently I'm being held against my will and brainwashed into being gay. Yeah, that's definitely what's happening.

I feel safe here, and safe isn't good for me, apparently; the calming smell of fresh mint, coffee, and sometimes an overlying scent of strawberries if Aerith comes over. The whole house is like, the picture perfect home. The only thing out of place is Cloud's collection of swords, but I've always loved helping him clean them. He also teaches me how to use them sometimes, and that's always fun.

"Hey faggot, how're you doing?" Xemnas, the biggest asshole in my grade, asks as he snaps me out of my thoughts. He takes a seat on the edge of my desk, sitting right on my algebra homework. Great, and I was almost done, too. For some reason, Xemnas has made it his goal in life to make my life an absolute hell.

I look up to him and smirk, twiddling my pencil in between my fingers. "I'm thoroughly annoyed right now, thanks for asking, _Mansex_. Tell me, how does it feel being the biggest dick in our grade? Proud no one's beat you?" His eye twitches as I call him that amazing nickname I discovered after ten minutes of being bored in English. In class, I take the opportunity to say whatever I want. He calls me names, so why can't I call him names back?

"You bitch! What did you just say to me?" he hops off my desk, clenching his fists in anger as his friends, Seifer and Saix, laugh at the nickname. I also find it funny how the rest of the class completely disregards this whole thing.

I simply rest my left cheek on the heel of my hand, turning my attention back to my crumpled math homework. "You heard what I said. I don't think your ears are busted."

He looks like he is about to say something else, but the teacher finally notices that he's out of his seat. God, was she blind, or what? You know, I've done the obvious. I've gone to teachers and counselors about my being bullied. They do nothing. They even make a big deal about it with posters and assemblies and shit, saying they'll be suspended and blah, blah, blah. But when it _legit _ happens, no one cares. I don't understand how that works.

At the end of class, I work slowly to put all my stuff back in my bag. I know Xemnas is waiting for me, so why give him more time to poke fun at me? There was only one other kid in the classroom by the time I was ready to head out – Axel.

Okay, listen to this; this guy was _God._ I kid you not, he could legit do everything. He took as many classes as possible, managed to get A's in all of them, had a perfect attendance record, played basketball, and had a part-time job. I was in half of his classes, and I could barely maintain a C. He also had this fiery red hair that fell past his shoulders that always, no matter what he was doing, managed to stay perfect. There were also tattoos _on his face_. Of course, the teachers didn't care about that, either. And yet, when I come into school with piercings along both my ears, I got scolded. What the actual fuck, man.

He turns around, saluting me and saying he'll see me later. The fuck? Since when did he know me? I send him an awkward smile and he chuckles and leaves the classroom. Well, okay then. Moving on with life. I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder, fast walking out of the room and down the hall as fast as I can. There is only a minute or so left before the bell rings, so Xemnas is probably already at his next class. Thankfully, my next class is right down the hall and I make it with seconds to spare.

* * *

Being a gay at my school, there are a few rules you have to follow if you want to keep your life. One: don't go in the bathroom. Ever. Two: don't look at the jocks no matter what. Three: don't bring attention to yourself. That means: don't talk to anyone unless you have to and don't smile for anything. Not even for a text from a friend from another school who's trying to cheer you up. Also: never wander the halls during lunch or in the middle of class.

Speaking of lunch, that's where I am currently heading. Usually, I would spend lunch with the librarian or my art teacher, but they both had meetings today. Meaning I was fucked. So today, I decided to sit outside under the tree farthest from the building with a baggie of carrots, a juice box, a brownie, and a book. Hopefully, Xemnas will be too busy trying to shove carrots up his nose or something to come and find little old me.

But then again, Xemnas _always_ has time for me. Boy, do I feel special.

"Hey faggot! What'cha got there?" He smirks, leaning down and taking my brownie. I hope he is allergic to peanuts.

"A book. You know, the thing made of paper with words printed on it. Those heavy things you have issues with. Do you know what I'm talking about, or do I need to break it down some more?" Damn, I was good. His friends snickered again, but Xemnas just got pissed and ripped the book from my hand, chucking it far away. Dammit, I was at the best part, too.

Xemnas fisted my jacket and picked me up, only to slam my back into the tree. "What was that, smart ass?" He snarled. I actually debated about kissing him, just to fuck with him. But then again, who the hell would want to touch that? Certainly not me.

I let out a deep, bored sigh, rolling my eyes just for the hell of it. "Alright, if I _must_ repeat myself, seeing as how you don't even know what a book is. How did you even make it to high school, Mansex? Also, you could _seriously_ use a mint or something." Oh, this was too easy. Xemnas was absolutely _furious_ and I had to stop myself from breaking out in a laughing fit.

"I'll make you regret those words," He growled, his disgusting breath filling my nostrils. I mean really, what was he going to do? Stink me to death? Nope, even better. He grips my jacket tighter, slamming me even harder back into the tree, sending my head snapping back against it. Ow. Xemnas summoned his lackeys and together, they got a tight grip on my arms and hauled me up. Xemnas got in my face again and grabbed my chin, making me look into his violent gold eyes. "I don't know who you think you are – talking to me like that… but I'll be sure to show you your place, _faggot._"

Damn, did he even know how much of a douche he was being? Apparently not. Well, I decided it was time for him to learn. I shake my head out of his grasp before returning my gaze back to his and then I spit in it. Legit, I hocked up a loogie and spat it in his face. He backs up in disgust as I stomp on Seifer's foot before elbowing Saix in the gut. They both let go of me and I take this opportunity to make a run for it. Lunch is just about over, so if I could just get back in the building and to my class, then I'll be home free.

But, then again. Life hates the shit out of me.

Someone, Seifer I think, tackles me to the ground, shoving my face into the dirt. Xemnas and Saix soon follow, and let me tell you. I pissed these guys off _good_. Seifer and Saix soon have me in their grip again and Xemnas has my bag slung over his shoulder. He pulls my spare pair of socks out of it and uses them to gag me. Class has already started so, of course, no one notices them literally dragging me straight down the hall to the boys' bathroom. I'm actually scared now.

They shove me through the door and Xemnas throws my bag at my head. Because of all the classes I take, my bag is heavy as shit. So yeah, that hurt. I pull the socks out of my mouth, only to be replaced with Xemnas's dirty ass shoe being pressed into the side of my head. Seifer and Saix are standing outside the door on watch like the good little dogs they were.

Xemnas comes up to me and grabs my jacket again, tossing me into one of the stalls. He grips the back of my head and tries to shove it into the bowl of the toilet, but I manage to grab the seat before he can. I know he's yelling something at me, but I'm too terrified and focused on not going into the toilet that his foul words don't reach me. Why the hell didn't I just shut up?

I can't help the scream that escapes me as my arm slips and my head is pushed into the swirling water. You know how girls always complain that the boy's bathroom is disgusting as fuck? Well they're right. The shit water floods my mouth and I try as hard as I can to keep it from getting in my lungs.

The bowl empties and Xemnas pulls my head up just enough so I could get some air. I cough and cough as a mixture of shit water and saliva drips down my chin and into the bowl. I'm actually kind of glad my face is drenched so that Xemnas can't distinguish the tears I can no longer hold back. There's no strength left in my arms, but I try and push myself away from the water anyway.

He leans in next to my ear, practically screeching in it. "Admit, you little _pussy_. Admit I'm higher than you," He demands.

I cough a few more times, air finally getting in my lungs but that disgusting taste is still lingering in my mouth. But the words that tumbled out of my lips were just, oh-so sweet. "You're right, Mansex. I _am_ higher than you."

"_You little bitch!_" His voice tears through the walls and I'm seriously surprised that no one has heard this fucker shouting. I mean really, are these bathrooms _that_ sound proof or something? The bowl fills back up and he shoves my head back into the water. I have a feeling he's going to try and keep me there longer, so I try to think of it as if I was swimming. I loved swimming and being under water. When you're under the water, everything is muffled and you have that comforting feeling surrounding you as you just float there. That's one of my favorite feelings. If I had gills, I would – shit! Shit, I need air!

Xemnas is just holding my head under the water now and I swear he's legit trying to kill me! I start panicking and trying to throw my arm backwards hard enough to hit him. Finally my fist connects with something and Xemnas screams as he lets go of me and I throw myself out of the bowl of death.

Delicious air fills my lungs and I start gasping and hacking up toilet water. I actually end up puking in the toilet, that nasty taste way too overwhelming for me. When I finish, I turn around and see that Xemnas is on the ground, curled up in a ball with his hands between his legs. I actually let out a small laugh as I stand up and run to my bag, grabbing and attempting to bolt for freedom.

Again, though – life hates me.

Something grabs my ankle and suddenly my nose is met with the tiled floor of the bathroom. I try and lift my head up, but it's quickly grabbed again and slammed back into the ground. Xemnas picks me up again before throwing me back into the stall. My head hits the edge of the toilet and I kinda just sit there, disoriented and in a _lot_ of pain.

I'm seriously scared. People have threatened to do this, but I never once thought it would actually happen. Xemnas laughs at me again then leaves me there, holding onto the toilet to keep from falling to the floor. My mouth tastes really gross from the toilet water, puke, and blood. My nose is probably broken and I can feel blood trickle down the side of my cheek. Xemnas finally has finally realized that verbal pain isn't the only thing he can cause me. What am I supposed to do now? If he etst cocky enough, he might actually end up killing me one day. I can't take it… that kind of fear… I can't even begin to simply 'deal with it' every day…

I use the toilet as support and push myself up, somehow managing to get back on my feet. It takes a second for me to clear my head enough to move, but I do it. I sling my bag over my shoulder, almost falling over in the process, and leave the bathroom. Only to be met with half the student body surrounding the bathroom and laughing at me as I make my exit.

"_Haha, he really is a shit-face now!"_

"_Faggot!"_

They just kept throwing names and insults at me and no matter how hard I try to ignore them, it is just too much. Tears continue to pour down my face, which no one cares about. They just kept saying how I was 'such a baby for crying' and that I should just 'go kill myself'.

You know what, why don't I? It's not like anyone would give a shit. They certainly wouldn't. My parents wouldn't, either. I'm pretty sure Cloud and Tifa would be better off, too. It won't matter to anybody. Not even that Axel guy. I admit – I kind of had a smallish crush on him. But who could ever want me? Certainly not someone as successful as Axel. He could do so much better than me. I was only wasting my time, liking him. It is a waste of time to do anything, really. I am a waste of a life. And everyone knows it.

How many people have seen Xemnas attacking me? How many teachers? A shit load, basically. And have they done _anything_? Nope. Because no one cares. You know, I don't even care anymore. It's not like I can just change and automatically be straight or whatever! I can't be who they want me to be so they're punishing me for it! Everyone always tells you to just 'be yourself' and people will like you for who you are. What a load of _bullshit_! There's always going to be someone who hates you for something that you can't help and there's absolutely _nothing_ you can do about it!

Well, you know what. I'm going to do something about it.

I walk up the steps on the small porch to my uncle's home and, through my tear blurred eyes, adding a few more scratches to the doorknob as I unlock it. After I get in, I go straight to Tifa's medicine cabinet and grab the bottle of her sleeping pills. This seems like the easiest way to go.

I go to my bedroom at the end of the hall, making sure the door is locked. Cloud and Tifa are still at work and they woun't be back for another few hours. I figure that will give me just enough time. I set my bag down and take out my iPod, setting it in the dock beside my bed. "Should've When You Could've" by Skillet starts playing and I can only think of how much that song fits right now. I love how well my iPod knows me and yet no one else seems to even want to. Well they can all go to hell.

I open up the bottle of pills, dumping a handful out and just playing with them. There are about maybe twenty in my hand and I can only wonder if it is enough. How would Cloud and Tifa feel when they find me? They'll probably think I'm taking a nap at first. But then Tifa would get closer to put a blanket over me and put a kiss on my forehead. She'll realize how cold I am and that I won't be breathing. Then the screaming will start and Cloud would rush in to find me cradled in her arms, cold and lifeless.

I take out my journal, the one I carry with me everywhere and hold all the pain I've gone through in the past two years since coming out and entering high school. I rip out a clean page and pull a Sharpie out of my bag as well. I write that I'm sorry and that I love them across the page before telling them to read my journal; that I placed under the note on my nightstand. When they read that, they'll know all the trouble I am too scared to tell them.

Earlier I mentioned that I talked to teachers and counselors about the bullying, right? Well I could never bring it up to Cloud and Tifa, no matter how much I know I should've. They already do so much for me and I just didn't want to involve them with my problems. Well, there was that and… the fact I doubt they would care, just like everybody else. I don't have any friends, my teachers hate me, the other kids hate me; I just can't risk knowing Cloud and Tifa hate me too.

The song ends and "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park plays next. They are right. If I can change who I am, I would. If I was different, people would like me. I wouldn't be hurting so bad. I wouldn't be in anybody's way. I'd be better if I was different. But I can't be different, no matter how much I try. So it's just better if I leave.

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and reflecting on my life. I mean, really; what have I done to contribute to the planet? Nothing, absolutely nothing. There's no reason for me to be here, so why am I? Everyone is born for a reason, right? So what's my purpose? Am I here just to be the butt of everybody's jokes? That's certainly what it seems like. Wow! Such a fulfilling life I have! Yeah, no.

I'm done. I'm just done.

I bring the pills to my lips, just about to put them in my mouth and swallow my demise.

'_I'm sorry. Goodbye.'_

One of the pills is just about to fall in my mouth when I hear the doorbell. Who the hell could that be? Whatever. Not my problem anymore. I try to take them again when the doorbell yet again interrupts me. There's no car in the driveway, so why do they think someone's home? I'm not going to be. I try one more time when that _goddamn doorbell_ just starts ringing repeatedly.

What could they _possibly_ want?!

Annoyed, I set the pills next to my note and get up to answer the door and to have maybe my last conversation with another human being. Oh, I hope they feel special. I stomp down the stairs, just wanting to get this over with. The more I prolong it, the more I'll not do it. And I'm already convinced that I just need to disappear. Besides, no one would miss me.

I open the door, only to be met with a set of the most gorgeous emerald eyes I have ever seen. The man is rather beat up, as if he just got out of a nasty fight. He is still beautiful all the same. "Axel?"

* * *

**I had so much fun writing this c:**

**I hate bullies. I really do. It's really none of your business what goes on in someone else's life. You have no right to make fun of someone for the choices they make, so leave them alone. You don't like something about them, good for you. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. I mean, really. They teach you this crap in elementary school. IT'S FREAKING ELEMENTARY. C'MON.**

**Anyway - this fic, I am sad to say, is not _originally_ mine. I adopted it from Elizabeth Anne19 because she couldn't finish it. No, this is not her original, this is the product of my re-writing a good majority of it. She even went to the trouble of being my Beta for it C: What a sweetie~ So yeah, this has been read and approved by the original author. So I better not get any kind of shit like "Oh, you stole this fic!" No. I adopted it with full permission. So there.  
**

**100 Theme Challenge: Drowning  
All songs belong to respective owners.  
Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura  
R&R&F pweaz C:  
**


	2. Are You Challenging Me?

You know that one kid that's in every school that everybody just _knew_? At my school, it's me. Everyone knows who I am, even though I could give two shits about their existence, let alone name. I'm really bad at names, anyway. I only ever bother to learn a select few; one of them belonging to a certain blonde that's recently caught my attention.

Everyone likes me – thinking I'm the coolest person to ever walk the planet. Though there's one thing they don't know about me: I'm gay.

Yes, you read me right. I, personally, don't see what's wrong with that. When I came to high school three years ago, I honestly didn't care whether people knew or not. No one asked my freshman year, so I never told anyone. It was just something that didn't matter as much. But then the next year, almost immediately as he walked in on the first day of school, there was this blonde freshman that got pummeled with anything people could grab. Apparently it got out while he was in middle school that he was gay and everyone hated him for it. After I saw that, I never wanted to come out of the closet.

I know he gets picked on a lot, but I do nothing to stop it, even though I'm fully capable of doing it. I don't know how to help him. I'm not even sure if it would matter or not. He can't even take two steps without someone calling him a name or trying to trip him or something. They pretty much torture him, for crying out loud! And the teachers do absolutely nothing! If that's not fucked up, I don't know what is.

I, for a fact, know that there are several other gay guys in this school besides Roxas and I. Demyx, Zexion, and Marluxia. They're on the basketball team with me. We've been friends since middle school. But because of what these bastards do every single fucking day, we're terrified of what would happen should we speak the truth.

Hell, even Demyx and Zexion started dating. They were madly in love and it pretty much killed Demyx that he couldn't, and I quote, 'show off his sexy bookworm'. Zexion hated that he couldn't even hug Demyx. Marluxia and I hated that our best friends had to live in secret. We have to tip toe around every single fucking thing and let me tell you – it gets _real_ old _real_ fast.

Okay, I got a bit off topic there. Anyway, I might as well say the blonde's name before I go any further. His name is Roxas Strife. Roxas has sun-kissed blonde hair he keeps wind-swept to the right, and gorgeous ocean blue eyes to match. He's short –about as tall as Zexion – and he is teased about that constantly. He's in half of my classes, but he's really quiet and I've only heard him speak a few times. It was only to answer a question from the teacher or to throw quick (and quite funny, I might add) comebacks back at Xemnas, the resident douche.

I have no idea what even possessed Xemnas to do this kind of shit to Roxas. And what's worse is that he influenced almost the whole school to do it too. Apparently Xemnas had seen Roxas with his (hopefully ex) boyfriend kissing behind the bleachers in middle school and freaked out. So he took it upon himself to make Roxas's life a living hell. Personally, I think he was either extremely bored, or just looking for an outlet for his sexual frustrations.

I mean _really_. Who would even _consider_ tapping that?

Either way, he's simply being a dick for no good reason.

You know, that is one of the best things I like about Roxas. The only thing he never let happen was let the words and bullying get to him. I mean, I bet it still hurt like hell, but he didn't let it affect his whole way of living. He wasn't depressed and cutting himself, at least. I seriously admired him for his strength.

Like in homeroom today. Xemnas just placed his 'oh-so perfect' (fat) ass atop Roxas's desk, effectively bugging him. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but I heard Roxas call him 'Mansex' before Xemnas hopped off, screaming, "You bitch! What the hell did you just say to me?!" Roxas mumbled something else before the teacher walked in, telling Xemnas to sit down. How did she not hear him practically screech that? God, these teachers were so stupid.

After class, Roxas takes his time packing up; most likely avoiding Xemnas for as long as possible. I wished I could help him, I really did. But the most I could offer right now was a smirk and a, "See you later, Roxas." Yeah. Smooth.

I didn't see Roxas again until lunch rolled around after that. I notice he's sitting under the tree farthest from the building. It's a nice day, so I'm not too surprised he's chosen there instead of the ridiculously loud cafeteria itself. I zone out, gazing upon my secret crush. I don't even realize I'm zoning out until Demyx pretty much announces my name.

"Axel! Are you listening! Earth to Axel!" He shouts, poking me in the shoulder repeatedly. He and Zexion are sitting next to each other as close as they can, their chairs linking together but not their bodies themselves. Zexion looks oddly upset today and he keeps glancing at Demyx's hand. He must really want to hold it.

I swat Demyx's hand away, flicking his forehead in return. "No, what did you say?" I ask, turning my attention back to Roxas then looking around the cafeteria for Xemnas and his Douche Patrol. He was too busy sticking carrots up his nose to notice Roxas at the moment. All clear then.

"I asked what we were gonna do about prom. Are we asking girls, going as a group, or just skipping?" Zexion winces and I put the pieces together.

"Well, I for one simply don't plan on going if I can't take the one I like. I'm sure Zexion would agree with me." Zexion glares at me for calling him out as Demyx looks to his boyfriend in surprise.

"Y-You… want to go to prom with me, Zexion?" He asks. It's more of a question of confirmation rather than whether or not Zexion would go.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well… I figured you didn't like parties… And I thought we already decided we wouldn't do anything to let our relationship get out. We'd end up like that Roxas kid and… we couldn't handle that, remember?" I cringe a bit as Roxas is brought up. They all know I like someone, just not who.

"Demyx… Well… The way I see it… We're seniors. We'll be graduating in a few months, anyway. Plus, these assholes are too stupid to follow us to college," Zexion points out. "Besides, I feel like showing you off at prom and having fun and ignoring everyone will be better than what you and Axel had planned."

"Hey, I resent that statement," I interrupt. Demyx and I have been planning a series of pranks for the administration office since our freshman year when we kept getting called down to take the blame for a bunch of stupid shit the other kids do. Well, we did some of them, but not the really dumb ones that could easily be pulled off by a five year old. Just because Demyx acts like one, doesn't mean his pranks are at their level.

"Fine, you can still exact your revenge. But I'm just saying my plan sounds like more fun," Zexion says. Demyx gives me a high five before turning back to Zexion and putting his hand comfortingly on the slate-haired teen's knee.

"So… Zexion… _Will_ you go to prom with me?" Zexion blushes and nods. I'm leaning back in my chair and see Demyx smile and link their ankles together under the table. At that moment, it was the most they could do. It was enough for them, but I could tell they were looking forward to acting just like all the other stupid couples in the hallway. They'll be drowning everyone with PDA – I can see it now.

The bell is about to ring, so I glanced once more at Roxas to make sure he was still in one piece. He was still reading his book and Xemnas was still being an idiot, so I decide to take a nap for the remainder of lunch.

* * *

Over the summer, the school had changed the tone of the bell. Now, it sounds much more like a door bell and it is so high pitched, I'm surprised my eardrums are still intact. I hate it so much. Maybe Dem and I can fix that when we set up our prank. Speaking of Demyx, I was about to rip his arm off for waking me up. "Dude, we only got a minute and a half to get to class!" Shit!

I shoot up, my eyes, for some reason; automatically going for the tree Roxas was sitting under. Roxas isn't there and the cafeteria is empty except for me and Demyx. I don't know if Roxas got to class safely or not, and I'm worried, but I can't afford to skip any of my next class to go check on him. If I do, I'll fail and be kicked off the basketball team. My dad would kill me. I just have to trust that Xemnas actually left him alone for ten minutes. So I grab my bag and Demyx's wrist and drag them both to class.

A half hour later, I can't take it anymore. I have to piss really badly. I take my bag with me, deciding to skip the last twenty or so minutes of class. Chemistry is my best subject, anyway. Getting a grade for blowing stuff up – best class ever. I'm almost to the bathroom closest to the front door, but for some reason, there's a giant group surrounding it. When did a boy's bathroom become this interesting?

I start pushing and shoving my way through the crowd and when I finally get to the front, I see that it's not the bathroom that is so funny; it's who is coming out of it. Roxas. His hair and shirt are soaking wet and I can tell he is crying, even though water was still dripping out of his hair. His books were poorly thrown in his bag, which was clutched tightly to his chest. Blood is leaking out of his nose and forehead and he looks like he's going to collapse at any moment. God, who the fuck did this to him?!

I look around the crowd and see only one person twisted and fucked up enough to do this to him. Xemnas, Saix, and Seifer. They're orchestrating Roxas' demise as they, along with everyone else, start throwing more names and insults at him than ever. Roxas doesn't see me through his tears, thankfully, as he starts breaking through the laughing douche bags in the crowd and running out of the building. Oh my god… they did it. They finally broke him. They broke Roxas - the boy who was a million times stronger than any of us.

Xemnas cannot – _will_ not – get away with doing this! He has gone w_ay_ too far this time and I say it's time for some payback! I can't risk getting caught, though, no matter how much I want to. If I get suspended or kicked off the basketball team, everything I worked so hard for would go straight down the drain. I know how selfish that is of me, but I just don't have it in me to risk it. If only Xemnas would just give me another reason to rip his fucking skull off. I would pass it off as self-defense or something.

Fuming, but expertly hiding it, I sneak past the crowd and go into the bathroom to try and figure out what exactly happened. And let me tell you: it is not pretty.

The floor, especially the back stall is soaked with toilet water. The stench of vomit lingers and I notice there's blood on the floor and staining the white door of the same stall. Xemnas must've given Roxas the swirly of a lifetime. I'm so mad, I am visibly shaking. I want to kill Xemnas so badly, but there are so many things restricting these wishes. Like the fact I could go to jail. Then again, maybe jail wouldn't be so bad. If it meant I could bring justice to Roxas, it may just be worth it.

As I contemplate the many ways I could have fun with Xemnas's murder, Demyx walks in with Zexion in tow, gasping rather loudly. "Holy shit! What happened in here?!" he exclaims.

"That fucking bastard Mansex is what happened!" I shout, using the nickname Roxas so cleverly thought of. It is so funny and ironic and I love it, just like I knew I would love killing him. "He tortured Roxas and then had half the student body wait outside to break him!" I'm so enraged and shaking that Zexion actually hides behind Demyx. He has never seen me like this.

Making me pissed is not a pretty sight. Usually, I can keep it under control. I have to or else I would blow up over every single name I have ever been called. But seeing Roxas, the one guy who I thought could handle anything, in that kind of state… Fuck being calm. Demyx whispers something in Zexion's ear and Zexion steps out of the bathroom. I'm still shaking and breathing heavily, and Demyx takes a cautious step towards me.

"Axe. Axe, you need to calm down," He says in a controlled voice, trying to at least get me to stop shaking. I run up to him and he quickly shields his face with his arms. When he lowers them, he sees the anger ebbing from my face as tears replace them. My fist is connected to the wall and blood is coming out of my knuckles. I pull my fist back and punch the wall again but before I could do it a third time, Demyx grabs my arm and stops me at the last second.

My hand is killing me, I probably broke it. Tears freely fall down my face as Demyx holds me. I'm so weak. I'm so fucking weak! I'm such a coward! I have no right to like Roxas when I can't even help him! If I just stepped up sooner, maybe none of this would've happened! I'm such a failure!

My inner self-hate is interrupted when I hear the door to the bathroom open leading with a rather loud and super annoying cackle. "What're you crying for, Axel? Not for that worthless faggot, I hope. You shouldn't waste your time on that, dude," Xemnas remarks, making my blood boil with fury. Demyx puts a hand on my shoulder, holding me back. But just for the moment.

"Xemnas, what do you want?" Demyx calmly asks.

"Oh, you're here, too, Mohawk-freak? I've been meaning to ask you, didn't those things go out of style like, twenty years ago?" Xemnas jokes. Okay, why was he going after Demyx? He was _my_ friend. _No one_ messed with me or my friends. "I just wanted to know if you guys would like to come outside and watch the show," He smiles. Show?

I quickly stand up, pushing Xemnas out of my way and opening the door, Demyx on my tail. Outside… it was something I never would have expected to see.

Zexion is gagged, his arms tied behind his back and shirt gone. Someone had taken a Sharpie and written names all over his arms and torso. Saix and Seifer are passing around rotten tomatoes and other assorted fruits and vegetables to the crowd that seemed to have grown in the few minutes we were in the bathroom. Zexion is covered in fruit as the crowd laughed and are calling him the same disgusting names they called Roxas not even ten minutes before.

How- How could this have happened? We didn't do anything wrong! They have no right to do this to Zexion! Before I can do anything, Demyx pushes his way over to Zexion, shielding his small and broken body with his own, shouting at them to stop. They don't.

"Oh, so now you're going to _defend_ this faggot, Demyx? I would've expected more from you! Get him!" Seifer instructed, the crowd quickly following his order and throwing their produce at the both of them. Wait, did Seifer just call Zexion a faggot? How did they figure out we're gay?! We made sure never to tell anyone and we would never turn on one another! Then it hit me. Where was Marluxia?

Class was already let out, so shouldn't he be here? I looked around and saw Marluxia about to leave the building. I ran for him, grabbing his wrist just before he got out the door. "Marluxia! Did you tell?! Dude, what the fuck! We made a pact! We _trusted_ you!" I shout.

Marluxia snaps his wrist away, just standing there for a moment before he bolts out the door, not even bothering to make up some excuse. God dammit! I run back over the crowd, pushing the nasty fuckers out of my way and getting to Demyx and Zexion. "Stop!" I shout over everyone's laughing and heckling.

They quickly stop, clearly still intimidated by me – which is good. The only ones who keep it up are, of course, Xemnas and his Douche Patrol. "Shut the fuck up!" I shout again, making them stop.

Xemnas smirkes, taking brave struts until he is right in my face. I'm tempted to spit in it. "Oh, Axel. What do you think you can do? You're just like them. Like Roxas. _Weak. Pathetic. Useless. Nothing._ You're just a little_ faggot_ just like them." Okay, you know that reason I've been waiting for? I just found it.

I pull my non-broken hand back, quickly sending it to meet with Xemnas's nose. Oh god, that feels so fucking great to do! He falls on his ass as I smirk in victory and the crowd gaspes. I bet they thought I wouldn't do it. Ha, they have no idea how long I've waited to do that. I turn to Demyx, telling him to get Zexion out of here and to meet up at my place. He quickly does so as Saix gets the crowd to disperse. They're scared of what I'm capable of so they leave, leaving me with the Douche Patrol.

"Alright, boys. If you really want to get me started, I don't mind defending myself," I smirk, cracking my neck and shaking out my hands. My right hand hurts like a bitch from the wall, so fighting – excuse me, _defending_ – is going to be a bit of a challenge. Nothing I can't handle, though.

Seifer immediately takes the opportunity to come at me, fist set back and rage in his eyes for hurting his precious leader. I easily dodged his blow, instead grabbing his wrist and painfully pinning it behind him. Saix tries to come to his aid, so I have them face each other before I push Seifer into him and they topple over. God, this is too easy.

Xemnas stands back up, blood dripping from his nose, as he tries to throw a punch at me. I duck under it, landing another blow to his stomach. He falls backwards onto the other two, still struggling on the floor. Now it is just getting pathetic. They are all bark, but no bite. They all stand up again, taking another fighting stance that leaves way too many openings. If I want to, I could take them all out right now. Then again, I might be in enough shit already even though I've only hit Xemnas twice. All in defense, I might add.

"Alright, you guys bore me. I'm gonna go now," I say, turning to make an exit. I should probably get my hand checked out. Surprisingly, I don't hear them come after me. Wimps. They probably went to tell the principal on me or something. Whatever. There're security cameras. I can easily get away with self-defense and maybe a detention or two. Hopefully, the Douche Patrol will be suspended. Or better yet, expelled.

I leave the building, figuring I should head back to my place to check on Demyx and Zexion, when I remember the reason I was there to begin with. Roxas. Shit! If only I knew where he lives! Just as I think that, a car pulls up in front of me. Riku, from the baseball team, and Sora, apparently Riku's best friend, are sitting in the front. "You're Axel, right?" Riku asks, Sora looking at me skeptically.

I nod my head and he motions for me to get in if I want to see Roxas. I don't question as I hop in the back seat and they drive me to Roxas'. Apparently, he doesn't live that far from the school. Huh, the more you know. They park in front of Roxas' house, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to open the door.

Would going up there mean anything? Roxas doesn't even know me. What would going up there prove? Was there even anything for me there?

"Hey, are you going or not?" Riku asks, keeping his eyes forward. Sora has ear buds in and I can hear some heavy metal song or something beating through the small speakers. I think it was "We Stitch These Wounds" by Black Veil Brides. Why a sweet kid like Sora is listening to them, I'll never know. But somehow, I'm glad that is what's playing. Whether Roxas knows me or not, I know he needs me. He needs me to help stitch his wounds.

I say my thanks, opening the door and running up to the front of Roxas' house. Riku and Sora speed off, leaving me with the lovely company of the front door. I'm about to knock when I remember my hand is busted. Fuck, it still hurts. I might want to make this quick. Just make sure he's okay, get to Demyx and Zexion, then the hospital, then back to Roxas. Okay, there we go. I have a plan.

I notice the doorbell, and I gratefully ring it. I don't hear anyone rushing down the stairs or any movement whatsoever. There is no car parked in the driveway, so maybe Roxas isn't here? But then again, where else did he have to go?

I ring it again, looking into the window for any sign of human life. Nothing. Dammit! I know he's in there! Irritably, I start blowing up the doorbell, the annoying chime ringing loudly throughout the house. He has to come to the door now!

And hey! I was right! I see Roxas stomping down the steps, his clothes are still soaked and dripping. He unlocks the door, but was met with my stomach because he is so short. It takes him a second, but his amazing sapphire eyes soon find mine and widened in shock. "Axel?"

* * *

**Oh look! An update! Fancy that xD  
So yeah, now we know what it's like to be in Axel's head, hurr hurr xD  
The rest of the story is more than likely going to be in Roxas's POV, though, lol.**

**Reviews would be very appreciated! I'd like to know what you guys think! They would make me smile! -griiiiin-  
**

**Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura  
Beta-d by the wonderful Elizabeth Anne19  
**


	3. Curious

"Hey, Roxas."

Really? He shows up to my house covered in blood and dirt and all he can say is 'Hey, Roxas'?

"Axel, what the fuck – your hand!" I noticed his hand was practically shredded and was dripping blood. I even saw a little path of blood droplets leading up to my front door.

"Oh, this?" he pondered, lifting his hand to his face and not even looking remotely shocked. "Just a scratch."

"That's not 'just a scratch', you dumbass!" I shouted, grabbing his wrist and pulling him into my house. I slammed the door behind him and dragged him to the kitchen where I put his hand under ice water.

"Ow! It stings, Rox!" he whined, trying to pull his hand away. Surprisingly, I found the strength to keep his mattered hand under the water. I reached above the sink for the disinfectant and some bandages while the water got most of the dirt out of Axel's hand.

After a lot more bitching about the disinfectant stinging and telling Axel to stop being such a baby, I finally got his hand bandaged and had him promise he was going to go to a hospital or something to get it properly looked at. When the blood was cleared away, I noticed his hand was seriously bruised. He may have broken a few fingers – possibly his whole hand.

"Axel, what the hell did you do?" I asked, plopping on the couch after putting the first aid stuff away. Axel sat in the chair adjacent to me, not daring to touch his hand.

"I just had a little chat with Xemnas," he stated casually. "I think it went pretty well, actually."

"Axel! What the hell were you thinking! You could get expelled!" I shouted. Even I knew how important Axel was to the school. But despite that, it wouldn't change the fact that he attacked another student. That wouldn't go over so well.

"Relax, I made sure it was all in self-defense. I wouldn't risk my future over some bitch like Xemnas," he waved off, leaning back in the chair.

"But still, Axel. Why would you even?" As far as I knew, Axel had no reason to go after Xemnas. Xemnas never once even spoke to Axel – most likely in fear. So what reason would Axel have?

Axel sat up, looking me straight in the eye with total seriousness in his voice. "He went after my friends and got one of them to betray me. That was reason enough for me to kill him. He's just lucky I held back," he growled. I backed up a bit, my eyes widening. I've been watching Axel for quite a while now, and I just now realized how scary he could be. He realized I was frightened and sat back in the chair, apologizing.

"What made you hold back if you were that mad?" I honestly didn't take Axel to be the kind of guy that easily holds back when he's pissed.

"I just reminded myself that beating the shit out of him would pretty much just lower me to his level. Certainly wouldn't want to be compared to that, now would I?" he stated.

My next question was a little difficult to ask. 'Why come here after that instead of to your friends or a hospital? Why come all this way while you're in pain just to see me?' There was no specific reason for him to. He and I never spoke, never had any form of contact, and yet suddenly here he is – bloody and sitting in my living room chair. What was going through his mind is what I wanted to know. So I asked him. The answer shocked me.

"I wanted to see you."

Okay, this made zero sense. It felt like he was just fucking with me. Yeah, that's right. This is just some prank he decided to pull on the gay kid, ha. Oh, he's so funny. Well I'm not laughing. Yes, I have a crush on Axel. Yes, his words made my heart skip a beat. But no, I will not believe them for a second. I don't believe in anything anymore.

"…Bullshit."

"What?"

"That's _bullshit_!" I shouted, standing up. Rage was flaring in my eyes and I _hoped_ he was scared. "Stop screwing around with me! I'm done with all your stupid pranks! I'm done with you seniors! I'm done with everything! Why can't you guys just leave me the fuck _alone_?! What did I ever do to you?!" I could feel tears stinging my eyes, but I couldn't tell why. There was no way in hell I was going to let this bastard see me cry. Covering my face, I ran past Axel and up the stairs, throwing myself into my room and locking the door.

I slid down against it, tears not stopping. Why was I so upset? This shouldn't be affecting me so much. Probably because I was tired. Tired of all the lies, the hate, the drama, the people. I was just tired of everything. I heard Axel running up the stairs and quickly finding my door, since it was the only one closed. He started knocking, asking me to 'please open up' and that he 'just wanted to talk.' Well I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see anybody. I just wanted everything to end.

I saw that I left the pills on my nightstand and was grateful I didn't have to bring Axel up here or anything. I crawled over towards it, tuning out Axel's frantic shouting and banging. Those pills. If I could just get those pills, I could crawl in bed and just sleep. Sleep and never have to worry about waking up again. Sucks to be Axel, though. He gets to watch me die. Then again, that would be the start of some awesome fucking payback for these bastards.

I slid the pills into my hand and sat on my bed. I just played with them for a moment, wondering how so much power over someone's life could be contained in such a small dissolvable tablet. It really was quite amazing. Axel's shouting suddenly stopped and it became deadly silent. Oh, I was so funny.

Maybe he decided to go home. He left me, just like everyone else. Didn't really surprise me. Now I could leave in peace. I, once again, slowly lifted the pills to my mouth, taking a slow, deep breath.

I was ready.

'_Goodbye.'_

Before I could, though, I heard something much larger ram against my door, scaring me and making me jump. The pills all fell out of my hand and scattered all over my floor. _'Shit!'_ I got off my bed and onto the ground, trying to gather up the pills as quickly as I could. The thing kept ramming against my door until it finally swung open and Axel toppled in, shouting in pain. He fell right on his shoulder and injured hand.

"Rox, what the hell, man? I just wanted to - " Axel stopped. He looked over to me, saw the pills in my hand and on the ground and froze. His eyes widened in terror as the realization of what I was doing finally came to light in his dim mind. "Roxas…"

"Axel, I'm fully aware of what's in my hands and what'll happen if I take them. Don't you dare try to stop me," I said determinedly with a controlled voice. I was already this far and I would be damned if I let someone like Axel stop me now.

"Roxas, I know you don't want to do this," Axel said, sitting up slowly.

"How the fuck would you know that?! You don't even know me! You have no reason to even be here!" I shouted, gripping the pills tightly in my fist. He's so fucking self-righteous! I really just wanted to punch his smug look right off his face. He had no right to tell me what I wanted to do.

"Roxas, please, you don't understand. I really do know you, you just don't remember," he said with a pained expression. I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about and I was done trying to figure this asshole out. I just wanted everything to go away!

"Stop fucking _lying_ to me!" I unclenched my fist and threw my head back, about to just pop the pills in my mouth then jump out the window into my backyard. That seemed like a better plan.

I was just about to, when something hit my hand and the pills once again went flying across the room. I was pushed back onto the ground as something lean loomed over me. My head hit the floor and snapped up a bit, hurting my neck and the back of my head. I groaned in pain as my vision blurred for a moment before returning. When I got my focus back, I saw that it was Axel who was over me.

Tears were in his eyes as he pinned my wrists to the ground, his knees on either sides of my hips. I looked up to him in shock, utterly surprised by the red-head's actions.

"Roxas… I promised I would never lie to you…" he mumbled, grip tightening on my wrists and eyes squinted in pain. "I can't believe you would forget…"

"What am I supposed to remember? That you're a complete lunatic who doesn't know when to end his little games?" I remarked.

"Dammit, Roxas!" he swore before – and oh my god, I seriously _never_ expected this – he _crashed his lips unto mine._

A thousand questions ran through my mind, but I couldn't make any sense of them. Tears dripped onto my cheeks, but I took no notice to them. My mind was completely blank. Nothing made sense anymore. Why would Axel – fucking _Axel_ – come to my house in blood, just to see me? Or better yet, _why the hell was he fucking kissing me?_

I started trembling and I could feel the tears I was holding back earlier return. I was scared. I was actually scared. And I didn't even fully understand why. Why? Why, why, why, why? _Why?_

Axel's lips were off mine as he looked into my wide, terrified eyes with sorrow. Why would he be the sad one? He's the one who was fucking with me! I should be sad! Sad that this shit was still going on – and in my own house, too!

"I'm sorry…" he whispered after a few moments of me staring blankly at him in fear. I blinked, snapping out of my trance. I wriggled my wrist a bit and Axel immediately let them go, but didn't sit up so I could get out from under him. So I was still trapped.

I started shaking even more and the tears wouldn't stop. I started hiccupping and sobbing and screaming as I lay on the floor, hiding my face in my sleeves. Axel just sat on top of me and watched me cry and, frankly, I didn't care.

I was just so done. Nothing mattered anymore. I was tired, depressed, furious; just downright miserable. And I finally had a chance to just end it all! Finally! But then this bastard had to come and ruin it!

I felt Axel lean over me again, putting one hand on the back of my head and the other supporting his upper body from falling on me. He was trying to give me a hug as I lay on the floor. It was awkward, but it was still some form of a hug. My face was buried in his shoulder, my still escaped tears staining his already dirty shirt.

"Roxas… Would you mind talking to me? Please? I just… I want to understand you. Give me that, and… and I'll leave you alone. I promise," he swore, his trembling hand gripping the back of my hand. That was all I had to do? Give him a little therapy session? I just had to do that and he would leave me alone?

Well. I had nothing else to lose.

* * *

I managed to calm down immensely as we sat on the couch in my living room. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water when I noticed the note my parents left on the fridge saying they wouldn't be back till tomorrow morning. Well, that would have been a nice wake up call.

I sat back down with Axel, who asked me if I was ready to answer his questions. I said yes, but only if he answered mine. He agreed.

"First of all," he started before falling silent. I gave him a moment before I coughed and he continued. "Why… Why are you trying to kill yourself…?" he practically mumbled.

Right to the point, eh? Well okay then.

"There's a lot of reasons. But I'll just give you the main one, simply because I would rather not get into my whole life story. Basically, I just see no point," I stated simply, sipping at my lukewarm tap water.

"What do you mean?" he inquired.

"Exactly that, Axel. I already said I wasn't giving you my whole life story. Now it's my turn." Axel sighed, giving up for now. I knew he was going to be rephrasing that question frequently. "Why did you say I don't remember anything? Is there really a reason, or…?"

If he was going to get straight to the point, so was I.

He looked away and turned silent. He seemed like he was shouldering a heavy burden, but showed no signs of wanting _anyone_ to find out what it was. That only made me more curious. I nudged him once, trying to get him to answer the question.

"Roxas… There is a reason. But, it's not something I can tell you all at once. I _can_ tell you something, though. But it probably won't answer much." Well, it's better than nothing. "How about this; if you promise not to try and kill yourself for a month, then I'll tell you all about that. After I tell you and you still want to… I… I won't stop you."

What was up with him and making deals?

Either way, it _did_ seem fair. So I nodded, motioning with my hand for him to ask his question.

"…Are… Are you mad at me? For… For the k-…kiss?" he stuttered. Actually, I found it slightly cute. But I didn't let it get to me… much.

I was silent as I pondered that. On one hand, I was immensely pissed that he just kissed me out of the blur like that – especially since I considered it to be a game… Wait.

"Okay, can I ask my question instead? Depending on how you answer will affect my answer to your question… If that makes sense." Which it kind of didn't. But I hoped he understood what I was trying to say.

"So, you have two answers to my question?" he asked to clarify.

"More or less." Axel nodded in understanding and motioned back to me to ask my question.

"…Well… _Why_ did you… kiss me?" He looked back at me, shocked. Was it really that hard a question? He seemed like he was waiting for me to say more and maybe elaborate on what I was asking, so I did. "I mean… What reason did you have? We don't really know each other… You randomly came over here just because you 'wanted to see me' – which I still don't understand… You're just confusing me, Axel. I'd like you to clear that up."

Hopefully he understood that. I haven't talked this much in a long time, so I was happy I got that glass of water. I took a long sip, waiting for Axel to reply. Unless he decided to make some kind of excuse not to with another deal or something. I'd be pissed.

"Well… For one… I'm gay, too." Well, that I didn't expect. Then again, after the kiss, it kind of explains it. So I kind of just shrugged it off. "And I kissed you… because… well… I-I've… liked you… for a long time, now," Axel mumbled.

Well. Uhm. Words? Words would be nice. But I couldn't think of any. The only words that resounded in my mind were the ones Axel just spoke. That didn't really help me right now, though. Then again. Wait. _Axel likes me?!_

No. No, no, no, that can't be right! But… he hasn't exactly shown he was lying… But then again, I don't exactly have a legit reason to trust him, either. So what do I do? Do I believe him and live happily ever after or some fairy tale shit like that? Well, that's for sure not happening. The second part, at least. Maybe the first part. Or do I just kick him out and just end everything?

Well I sure as hell can't do option B. There are far too many questions now that I know must be answered. And I'm sure as hell am not gonna leave with unfinished business. Great, I hope Axel is pleased with himself now that my resolve is shattered. Wait, he probably is. Dammit.

I just need time to think.

"Axel?" His attention was turned back to me. "Could you… go to the hospital? Or home?" His expression fell and he honestly looked like he was gonna start another debate with me when I interrupted him. "Axel, I just want time to figure things out. I'm just really… really confused right now…" He looked reluctant to leave, but I swore that I wouldn't kill myself and I'm not one to break promises.

Still a little hesitant, Axel left. He put his cell number into mine, making me promise to text him every two hours and to call him and talk to him till I fell asleep. I knew he was worried, but did he really have to do all this? I can't go like this, not now.

What am I going to do?

* * *

I saw Axel at lunch the next day, his hand wrapped up in proper bandaging. His friends weren't there and I was guessing it was because of yesterday. I walked over to his table, setting my backpack down in silence. "How are your friends?" I asked, actually concerned. I heard they got hurt because they were gay and dating. I honestly felt bad about it.

"They'll be fine. Zexion got most of Xemnas's fucked up game, though, and it hit him pretty hard emotionally. He won't be coming to school for a while and neither will Demyx. He's staying to take care of Zexion," Axel informed me. I let out a sigh of relief. At least they were okay.

"But aren't they seniors like you? Will they be able to graduate even if they miss a certain amount of school?" I didn't want their futures to be fucked up because of me, too.

"Zexion and Demyx both have perfect attendance and high GPA's. They'll be fine even if they skipped the rest of the year," Axel smirked. "Don't worry so much," he said, poking me in between my eyebrows. "You'll get wrinkles early that way."

I smiled back at him a bit. "Well that's good."

"So, what's up? Are you okay?" he asked, taking a sip of his juice box and leaning over the table.

"More or less. I just wanted to answer your question from yesterday." He nodded, motioning for me to carry on. "Well… No, I'm not mad that you kissed me…" I said. I could already tell this conversation was going to lead to me into blushing like a fucking tomato.

Axel let out a great sigh of relief, running his hand through his many spikes. "Oh thank god! I thought I totally fucked everything up with you! I'm sorry, Roxas."

"No, no, really, it's okay… I… liked it," I said, mumbling the last bit. Axel's expression brightened up and he sat straight.

"What was that?" he asked in a teasing tone. I glared at him, attempting to hide my slight blush and seriously failing.

"I… I liked it," I said a bit clearer, but still mumbling. Damn stubbornness and shyness. And damn his hearing the most!

"One more time?" he said, leaning closer and cuffing his hand over his ear.

"I said I liked it, dammit!" I shouted, but managed to keep in a control whisper sort of tone. I glared at him as he started laughing, throwing his head back in the chair and holding a hand to his forehead. "What's so funny?!"

"Nothing, nothing! I just… I never thought I'd hear you say that," Axel said, "But, I need to ask you one thing." Axel said, smiling at me. His expressions softened as he sat over in his chair, not looking at me. I was slightly confused by his change in moods. "Well… Now that I know I'm not a _complete_ fuck up… there's something I want to ask you…"

I sat back in my own chair, playing with the key chains on my backpack. "Y-Yes?"

"Where do you want that kiss to lead…?" he started. I was a bit confused, so I gave him that kind of look so he would elaborate. "I kissed you… and told you I liked you… and you liked the kiss… The only thing that's missing is whether or not you like me back… and if you do, what do we do about it?"

"That's what I was thinking about last night," I answered almost immediately. "I… Truth be told, I have… liked you for a while… But after yesterday, I'm not sure if I'm ready to take another risk. I do want it to go somewhere, though…" I said. I pulled my knees up to my chest on the small-ish chair, hiding my face in my knees. "I'm just scared, Axel… I didn't even want to come to school today."

Thankfully, Xemnas and the Douche Patrol hadn't shown up today, either. Most likely because of what Axel said he did. I noticed how everyone was whispering about it, too. No one would talk to me, though, so I don't know exactly what happened. Just that there was a lot of fighting and that Xemnas and Axel were at the center of it.

My face was still hidden in my knees, but I could hear Axel scooting his chair closer to me. "You don't have to be afraid, Roxas. I'm not going to let anything hurt you anymore. Even if you don't believe it, I'm still going to do it. I care a lot about you and seeing you in pain… it just hurts so much…" I looked up from my knees to him, slightly confused.

"If you were in so much pain from watching me _and_ you like me, then why didn't you help me sooner?" I asked accusingly. This guy just made no fucking sense sometimes. How annoying.

"I was scared, too. About a lot of things. About what would happen to you, me, my friends. I just didn't want things to get worse. I'm not scared of a lot of things, Roxas, but I _am_ scared of losing people I care about… and rejection…" he looked away when he said the last bit and I could only wonder why he would be scared of that. Not many people are scared of rejection for simple reasons.

"Axel…" I mumbled.

"So, what do you want to do, Roxas? Where do you want to go?"

"…I'd like to trust you, Axel… And… I'm pretty sure I'd being willing to try… I mean… You're so confusing, you know that? I want to try figuring you out," I admitted. Axel was a challenge I was actually willing to accept. Huh, who'd guess that this would actually be happening.

"As long as you're next to me and not in the ground, Roxas, I'm happy. I honestly mean that," he smiled, utter joy overflowing in his eyes. "So we're dating now, right?"

I smiled back, laughing a bit at how much my confession pretty much blew over his head. "Yes, Axel, we're dating now."

Just then, Axel's phone went off with, surprisingly, a Sleeping With Sirens song. "Let Love Bleed Red", I believe. Anyway, he fished it out of his pocket, glancing at the caller ID before answering. "Yeah, Dem? What's up?"

A few moments went by as Axel listened to his friend. His eyes widened all of a sudden. "_What?_ …Okay, Dem, calm down. I-I'm coming over now, okay? Just make sure he's still breathing!" And with that, Axel hung up.

"Axel, what's wrong? Who's not breathing?" I asked, worried.

"Roxas, could you please come with me? I might need your help," he asked, disregarding his half-eaten food and getting his stuff together. I nodded, putting my juice box on his tray and throwing my bag over my shoulder.

"Axel, what's wrong?" I asked again.

"It's my friend, Zexion, he- he's unconscious!"

* * *

**Oh god, guys I'm so sorry this took so long! Dx  
I had MAJOR writer's block and I just couldn't get the story to go where I wanted and it was pissing me off!  
Well, there was that and a LOT of shit happened. Which included me getting in and out of a relationship (that was... no. Still majorly pissed about it, but-), and also going to my first anime convention [Nekocon 15] and cosplaying for the first time as Roxas~ Pics of that can be found on my dA, if anyone's interested.**

**Alright, now that my boring life is out of the way, lol, let's move on. So Axel and Roxas are together, though Roxas is still insecure. Hopefully he can get over that and get a clear vision of what he wants. In other news, Zexion collapsed! Oh noes! But fear not, Axel and Roxas to the rescue!  
**

**Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura  
Beta-ed by my lovely Elizabeth Anne19 c: Love you, hun~  
**


	4. Sleep

"Unconscious? What do you mean by that?" I asked, rushing out of the cafeteria with Axel.

"Meaning he's not awake!" he irritably shouted back at me. I knew he was just extremely worried and that was why he was shouting, so I let it slide. "He stood up to get something and just collapsed on the floor! He's barely breathing and I need to get there!"

Axel led me to his old red truck parked in the student parking lot. We hopped in and Axel took a moment, cursing, as he tried to start the truck up. It revved to life, finally, and we took off to, what I was guessing to be, Demyx's house.

We pulled into the drive way and Axel threw open his door, not even bothering to pull his keys out. I turned the car off and grabbed the keys for him, following Axel into the house. When I walked in, a blonde boy with this weird mohawk sort of hair style was cradling a smaller boy with slate-colored hair that was cut so it covered half his face. These were the kids I always saw Axel with so I was guessing they were Demyx and Zexion. By Demyx shouting Zexion's name and Axel yelling at Demyx to calm down and explain better, my assumptions were confirmed.

I looked around the small house, noticing it wasn't furnished well. There was a couch, a TV from like, the 90's, a TV tray with two empty plastic cups, and a blanket. I looked over to the small kitchen, which simply had a crappy fridge, a dirty stove, not a lot of counter space, and a few cabinets. There was a hallway broken off to the right that probably led to a bedroom or two and a bathroom. All in all, it was kind of a shit hole. I could only wonder what kind of situation Axel's friend could have been in to end up like this.

"Zexion! Zexion, c'mon! Axel, I thought you said he'd be okay!" Demyx shouted, cradling Zexion in his arms. I noticed how tears welled up heavily in the dusty blonde's eyes and how badly he was shaking. He must've been terrified.

"I _thought_ he would be! He didn't have any injuries besides soreness on his wrists and ankles! I thought he'd be fine as long as he could just stay out of school! I thought it was just shock!" Axel defended himself. He was shaking, too. I wanted to comfort him, and surprisingly Demyx as well, but I've never done anything remotely like that. So I just stood there quietly, waiting for someone to tell me what I could do.

"Why is Roxas here?" Demyx asked suddenly, making me jump.

"I thought he could help," Axel explained before he stopped and turned to me. "Roxas, could you please call an ambulance? I actually don't know what's wrong with him!" Axel pleaded. I nodded, pulling out my cell phone and dialing 911. It rang once before Axel held out his hand, asking for my phone. I put it in his hand as he took it and answered, giving the person on the other end the necessary information.

I turned my attention back to Demyx. His own breathing had calmed down immensely, but he was still trembling and the grip he had on Zexion was strong. Like he was afraid if he let go, Zexion would disappear or something. Axel got off the phone, handing it back to me, before going back to making sure his friend didn't break down. He was talking to Demyx, just trying to get him to keep up a simple conversation. I don't know how that was supposed to help, but it seemed to be working because Demyx's grip on Zexion lessened a bit and tears had stopped falling from his eyes.

A little bit later, the ambulance came by, loading Zexion up in the back. We were all offered to go, but Axel said I didn't have to if I didn't want to. I told him I was worried about Zexion, which I was, and that I was going with him whether they offered us or not. He and Demyx both thanked me before we boarded the ambulance and sped off to the hospital.

* * *

Axel and I were sitting in the chairs in the waiting room while Demyx paced back and forth. Axel's leg was bouncing irritably up and down as he held his face in his hands. Their worry was starting to make me worry. It was just a worry fest. The doctor finally came out after a few more moments of bouncing and pacing, and both boys shot up, holding their breath as they awaited the news on their friend.

"Your friend is going to be fine," he said, Axel and Demyx letting out huge sighs of relief. "It seems it was just a case of sleep deprivation and stress. What's stressing him out so much that he passes out?" the doctor asked.

"Just some stuff at school," Axel quickly said. "He takes a lot of advanced courses, so he doesn't rest much. It must've just caught up to him." Damn, Axel was a pretty smooth liar. I admired that for some odd reason. But all the same, I also feared it. Lying was one of the few things I simply couldn't stand.

"Ah, I see. Well, we're going to keep him over night just to be on the safe side. We've already alerted his family, so don't worry. You can go see him now, if you want, but please try not to wake him." At that, Demyx quickly thanked the doctor before rushing down the hall, and almost running over several nurses, to get to Zexion's room. Axel and I followed suit.

Axel entered the room after Demyx while I stayed in the doorway. I barely knew Zexion, so going into his hospital room would've felt awkward. Demyx had pulled up a chair by Zexion's bedside and was holding the slate-haired boy's hand tightly in his own. Axel took a seat next to Demyx, glancing worriedly at both of his friends.

"Axel, maybe we should've brought him here in the first place…" Demyx said absentmindedly, running his other hand through Zexion's hair.

"Demyx, you know I never thought this would've happened. You trust me, don't you?" Axel said, sounding like he was snapping a bit.

"I do trust you, Ax, you know I do… Sorry," Demyx sighed.

Axel placed a hand on his friend's shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay, dude." He smiled to Demyx again before standing up and walking to me in the doorway.

"Axel, I'm confused," I immediately stated.

"You're wondering why I didn't bring Zexion to the hospital, aren't you?" he asked with a playful, yet sad smirk. I nodded and he led me out into the hall, closing the door shut behind him. "My dad's a doctor, first of all. It's not really my place to say too much, but because of Demyx and my childhoods, I had to read a lot of my dad's medical books in my free time. I'm pretty much a really amateur doctor, I guess you could say."

"So why didn't you want to bring Zexion here?"

"I looked him over and honestly, I just thought he would be able to sleep off the shock. The only physical damage he had was some scratches and bruises. I couldn't do much for any psychological damage; I don't know Zexion that way. I was hoping Demyx would be able to take care of that for me…" Axel trailed off, looking defeated. "I got cocky and now Zexion could be in an even worse state… It's all my fault…"

"Axel…" He looked like he was about to cry. I certainly didn't want that, so I did what I thought felt like the right thing to do. I wrapped my much smaller arms around his stomach in an awkward hug. "You tried to help. That's all that matters. Besides, the doctor said Zexion just needs rest. You weren't entirely wrong, Axel. I think that's impressive that you were able to give Zexion a diagnosis just from reading a few medical books." I smiled on his chest. I honestly was impressed that something this smart was mine.

Wait. I have to remember to keep a distance. I can't let myself think like that. Axel's just a project. One last task before I leave. My final question needs to be answered. I'm only staying for a month. One month, and my question will be answered then I can leave. That's it.

Axel had wrapped his arms around me, too, returning the hug. Some kind of feeling arose in me, but I wasn't sure if I liked it or not.

It was the feeling of being protected.

I don't even know. I haven't felt that way in a long time. And suddenly, with just being here in his arms, I can feel it again. I have no idea how that's possible, but it is. Maybe he just has magic arms or something. He let go, and suddenly the hallway seemed freezing cold. He walked back into Zexion's room, whispered something in Demyx's ear – which Demyx nodded his head to – before coming back out into the hall with me.

"Demyx is gonna stay here for the rest of the afternoon. He may even end up staying here with Zexion," he informed me. "So, you have two options. We can either go to your place or mine for a sleepover," he smiled, ruffling my hair.

"What? Who said a sleepover was okay?" I asked irritably. I hated it when people made decisions for me. I can think on my own, you know!

"Well we don't have to. But I'd like to, if that's okay?" Axel took my hand in his and gave me a smile. That's when I realized he was shaking. Really badly. He must've taken all this stuff with Zexion harder than I thought. He was trying so hard to hide his fears. I don't know why, but I didn't want to leave him alone.

I held his hand back, giving him a small smile. "Well… I guess one sleepover wouldn't kill me. But no funny business!" I made sure to remind him. His smile grew and I felt my heartbeat increase just from that. He seemed really happy.

"So, my place?" I nodded. Axel had already been to my house and I was interested to see his. Besides, all my pills and such were still stashed at home. If Axel found them, then I'd never hear the end of it – even though I'm serious about my promise.

* * *

"Welcome to Casa de la Axel!" Axel said, opening the door and leading me into his house. His house really looked like the home of doctors. Everything looked like it came out of one of those home furnishing magazines. All modern and set in neutral colors. It seemed very boring and very un-Axel like. I was actually thinking Axel had gotten the wrong house for a moment. "C'mon, let's go to my room.

He led me up a – you guessed it – spiral staircase that led to the second floor. At the end of the hall and to the right was Axel's room. He opened the door and then I was positive he got the right house. The walls were painted black with chalkboard paint and things had been written everywhere. Well, wherever there was space around all the band posters. Axel certainly did like music. Clothes, books, and CDs were tossed almost carelessly around the room, but it did have those random areas where it was organized.

"Sorry about the mess," Axel said, setting my backpack next to the door before flopping onto his bed.

"It looks better than the rest of the house," I commented.

"You _did_ see the rest of the house, right? My room's a pig-sty."

"I'd like to think of it as organized chaos. It seems to fit you more than the rest of the house."

"Well, it _is_ my room, after all," he laughed. "My parents don't like it, but they don't really complain as long as I don't leave my stuff all over the house – which is never an issue," he said.

"Your parents seem really strict," I said, taking a seat at the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, but it's whatever. When you grow up with busy parents, you just get used to it." Axel leaned over the side of the bed, picking up a novel that was next to his nightstand and quickly opening it to a page with a bookmark.

"What're you reading?" I asked.

"I'm not even sure; it's something Zexion said was a good book. So far, it's not," he answered, looking slightly disgusted as he skimmed the pages, seriously not interested in the book.

I leaned in a bit closer to Axel to see the title of the book and when I read it, also gave a disgusted look. "_Seriously_? He's making you read Twilight? Gross!"

"That's what I said! I think he just wanted to prank me or something cuz he knows I can't just give up on a book once I've started it. But this is so baaaaaaaad! I don't know how much more of this utter bullshit I can take!" Axel whined, holding the book away from him.

"Burn it or something!" I exclaimed, scooting away from the book.

"I would, seriously, but for one, it's Zexion's sister's. And second, it's still a book and there's no way I can destroy a book; no matter if it should actually be considered 'literature' or not."

"Darn." I looked around his room as he reluctantly went back to the book. I started reading the things Axel had written on the wall and I noticed they were song lyrics. "Did you write those?" I asked, standing up and walking to the wall to get a better look.

"Some of them. The others are by bands I like and have meaning. They each tell a story," he said, not looking away from the book.

"Can you tell me those stories?" I asked unconsciously.

"Hmmmm? You interested in me, Roxy?" he said in a slightly mocking tone. I could hear him smirk as he closed the book and set it back down on the floor. I blushed, my silence now counting as an answer. "One day, Roxas. One day I'll tell you."

I could hear him get up off the bed and maneuver around his room to get to me. He dropped to his knees behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, resting his head on top of mine. "I have a feeling you'll relate to some of them."

"Oh really, now?" I asked in a mocking tone back, smirking. He nodded and we fell into a somewhat comfortable silence. We both just admired the wall in front of us and the many lyrics, words, and posters spread across it. Axel's room fascinated me. "So where're your parents?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Well…" he pulled his phone out and checked the time before putting it back and wrapping his arm around my shoulder again. "It's about almost four, so they're probably still at the hospital."

"When do they usually get home?" I didn't want to stay in another person's house without meeting their parents. That was just kind of rude, in my opinion.

"Who knows? If you're lucky, they might stop by for a change of clothes," Axel shrugged.

"Are you always here by yourself?"

"Most of the time. My parents are pretty famous in the medical world, so they work a lot." I kind of felt bad for Axel. It seemed like he practically had to raise himself, if his parents were never home. "If you're thinking I raised myself, then I'll stop you right there," he said, reading my thoughts.

"Don't tell me Demyx raised you," I joked.

"I wouldn't have turned out this awesome if he had," Axel joked back, me smiling. "My brother, Reno, raised me. He's almost twenty-five."

"Does he live here, too?"

"No, he moved out when I started high school. But he comes around a lot to make sure I'm still alive." I don't know why, but learning about Axel was kind of fun. I was going to ask about Reno when my stomach interrupted, alerting us that it wanted food.

Axel laughed, using my shoulders as leverage for standing up. "C'mon, let's get you something to eat." I stood up and followed him back down to the kitchen which was, shocker, just as magazine-like as the rest of the house. I was slightly scared to see the bathroom at this point. Axel started rummaging through the cabinets and the fridge, looking more and more disappointed with everything he looked at. "Ugh, why is there never any good food here," he complained when, actually, there was food in every cabinet and the fridge was completely full. "You wanna order something?"

I shrugged. He grabbed a number for a local pizza joint off the fridge and dialed the number, asking what kind of pizza I wanted. "Pepperoni is fine," I said, sitting down at the loveseat and looking for the remote for the gigantic TV. Axel placed the order before running back up to his room to get the money. He came back down and sat next to me, throwing his arm back over my shoulders.

"The remote's right here, Roxas," he said, waving it in front of my face. Where he got it from, I had no idea. I took it from his hand and flicked on the TV, immediately starting to channel surf, only to find nothing of interest. Fucking cable, why you not entertain me. I scowled, turning the TV off and throwing the remote across the room to the other couch.

"You're TV is broken. Nothing good's on," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest and pouting.

"Well then do you want to watch a movie, then?" Axel laughed, getting up and walking over to a bookshelf that had a shit ton of movies on it. And when I say a shit ton, I mean _a shit ton._

"Sure." He started skimming through the multitudes of shelves before he pulled a few out and set them on the coffee table in front of me. He told me to pick, so I picked the only one he grabbed out that I actually knew, which happened to be "Howl's Moving Castle."

About ten minutes or so into the movie, our food arrived. Axel had gotten a medium pizza for each of us so he grabbed two sodas out of the fridge and we indulged in pizza and Miyazaki. I finished my pizza near the end of the movie and was starting to feel tired. I started to doze off a bit and Axel clearly noticed by the way he was annoyingly poking my shoulder.

"Are you seriously feeling tired this early, Roxy?" he asked, amused. I simply glared at him for making fun of my sleepiness. It was about five, so I didn't understand why I was tired, either. All I knew was that I was about two seconds away from passing out on Axel's freakishly comfy couch. "C'mon, we can go to bed early if you want if you're really _that_ tired."

Axel got up, grabbing my wrist and pulling me up with him. For some reason, pain flashed across my head and I lost my balance, falling back on the couch. Axel gave me a worried look, asking me if I was okay. My head hurt too much to talk so I just shook my head. He ran off to the kitchen, returning with a Tylenol and a glass of water. I downed them quickly, taking deep breaths to keep from groaning or screaming in immense pain. I don't even know what caused it.

"Maybe you're more tired than I thought. Did you sleep at all last night?" I heard Axel ask.

"No, I still hurt from yesterday…" I managed to say.

"Oh crap, I actually almost forgot about that. You need to sleep." I felt Axel put one arm around my shoulders and the other under my knees and pick me up bridal style. I wrapped my arms around his neck; a little scared he was going to drop me. He simply laughed a bit as he brought me back to his room and set me down on his bed. He went back to my backpack and tossed it to me, saying he'll give me three minutes to put my PJs on and that I better or else.

In exactly three minutes, I put my PJs on and tossed my clothes back in my bag as Axel walked back in. Axel set my bag back on the floor and peeled his shirt off, turning off the lights and climbing into the bed with me. I was mesmerized by his chest for a few moments before I managed to ask, "Axel, what are you doing?"

"Going to sleep? Like you should be, now c'mon." He grabbed my arm and pulled me back down onto the bed next to him. Axel threw his comforter over the both of us and snuggled into his pillow.

"No, I mean why are you in the same bed as me?" I knew were dating and all, but I wasn't sure I was comfortable enough with Axel to be in the same bed.

"Relax, Roxy, I'm not going to do anything. And I'm here because the only other place for a guest to sleep is the couch and I'm sure as hell not making you sleep there. And I've spent many nights there to know it's not as comfortable as it looks," he explained. "But if you don't want me to sleep with you, I'll go back to the couch," he said, sitting up.

I don't know why, but I quickly grabbed his arm, making him stop. For some reason, I was really afraid of sleeping by myself. Maybe that's why I didn't sleep all too well last night. Either way, I didn't want Axel to leave. He lay back down, pulling the cover back over his shoulder and up to my chin.

We mumbled good night as he flipped on his side while I remained on my back. After a few minutes, Axel almost fell off the bed. I laughed a bit as he got back up and flew the covers back, the cold air making me cringe.

"Here, we'll _both_ be more comfortable this way. The bed is too small for you to sleep like that, anyway," Axel scolded. He flipped me onto my side and laid down, snaking an arm around my waist and spooning me.

"A-Axel, what're you – !" I tried to protest.

"C'mon, Roxy, it's just for one night." He pulled me close to his lean, warm chest, my back pressed comfortably against it. His comforting scent surrounded me, making me go insane. His overwhelming body heat made it freakishly warm under the blanket, but there was no way in hell I was going to complain. Before I knew it, he was fast asleep, his breath evenly coming down on the nape of my neck and making me shiver a bit.

This was wrong. This was wrong on so many levels. I shouldn't be letting Axel get this close to me. Why? Why the hell was I letting him mess me up so easily? He actually had me questioning my resolve to leave. Was… Was I falling for him?

No! No, I couldn't be! I already learned the hard way that people couldn't be trusted. There was no way I could let myself be tricked again. There was just no way! And yet… there was just something about Axel… I wasn't sure what it was… but for some reason, I found myself extremely eager to find out what it was. Could I really do that to myself again? Could I really break every promise I ever made to myself not to do any of this? Could I do that all and be totally okay?

I wasn't sure. But that didn't mean I wasn't willing to at least try. But just this once.

I put my hands over Axel's, letting my eyes fall shut as I snuggled into the warmth. "Good night, Axel."

* * *

**Yaaaay I actually managed not to get a shitty writer's block for once c: So that's good news~  
Anyway, I- ... Actually, I don't think I have much to say about this chapter :| ... Well okay then.**

**So, Zexion's okay, and we learned a little something about Axel! But all together, Roxas is still getting confused and doesn't understand his own emotions. That's always a fun game, now is it? Well, we'll just have to see if Axel can ever change Roxas's mind. Hopefully before it's too late.  
**

**DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNN, lol.  
**

**Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura  
Beta-d by the lovely Elizabeth Anne19 c:  
**

**Reviews make Roxas smile c:  
**


	5. Nightmare

We woke up the next morning to Axel's phone going off rather loudly. Axel grumbled, but made no movement to get up and answer the phone. He let it go to voice mail, but a few minutes later, just as I was starting to fall back asleep, it started ringing again. Axel growled, releasing my from his hold around my waist to roll onto his back and grab his phone off the nightstand.

"Demyx, it's fucking seven in the morning on a Saturday. What could you _possibly_ want?" he growled into the phone. I sighed, knowing that whatever it was it did not involve me going back to sleep. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, as Axel listened to Demyx on the other end. He also sat up after a moment, leaning his head on my shoulder. "Got it. I'll be there in an hour." And with that, he hung up.

"What is it?" I asked, yawning. I know we went to bed rather early, but I was still in pain and just wanted to sleep it off.

"I have to go pick up Demyx and Zexion from the hospital." Axel and I had walked because we rode there in the ambulance and neither of us were against physical movement on a normal night. But if Zexion was that weak, then I would understand his need for mechanical transportation. Axel lay back down, taking me with him as he resumed our previous position.

"Don't you have to get ready?" I asked, not really meaning it. I was still tired.

"That's kind of why I said an hour. I want to sleep a bit longer. The hospital's not that far," Axel yawned.

We ended up passing out for another half hour before I felt Axel move and get out of the bed. My eyes opened a bit, waking up. "Oh, sorry. I was trying not to wake you up," he apologized.

"'S okay… I need to get up, anyway." I sat up, too, stretching my arms over my head and arching my back, hearing it pop. I heard Axel chuckle. "What is it?"

"Nothing. You just look like a cat when you stretch. It's cute," he smiled, grabbing a pair of clean pants off the floor. I blushed a bit, looking back to the bundled up blanket in my lap. "I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick then we can go get Dem and Zex. " I nodded as he left, taking another chance to look around.

I really liked Axel's room. It felt… homey. Is that even a real word? I don't care, it probably is. Anyway, I felt safe in Axel's room. I know it's really weird, but that's how I felt. Then again… I know I shouldn't be feeling this. This sense of security. This sense of longing. None of this should be happening right now. I shouldn't even be here right now. So why? Why exactly was I letting it happen? There must be something wrong with me.

Just two days ago I was ready to give up my life. Just two days ago I was about to leave this world. And just two days ago, everything changed in a matter of minutes. Everything was moving too fast. I could barely keep up. I need to press pause and slow down.

I mean, really. I barely even _know_ Axel.

I finally crawled out of Axel's bed and pulled my jeans from yesterday on. Somehow my shirt managed to disappear, so I had no choice but to borrow one of Axel's. Unfortunately, he was much taller than me and there weren't many shirts that seemed like they'd fit me. I looked in the back and I saw that he did actually own a few smaller shirts, probably from when he was younger. I pulled one out, taking a moment to look at the intricate design laced on the front. It was of a pair of small dragons, one red and one blue, entwined in a yin-yang sort of style. In the back there was a faded checkerboard, looking as if it was shot through by a rifle repeatedly. All in all, it was a pretty badass shirt.

I threw it on just as Axel walked in, black skinny jeans hanging loosely off his bony hips and a towel hanging around his shoulders. His hair was still a bit damp and… he was so skinny. I mean, he had muscle, don't get me wrong there. But it seemed that that was all he was. Skin, bone, and muscle. That couldn't be right, could it? Then again, I didn't have much of a right to tell him that.

Axel smiled and laughed again as he walked past me to the closet to get a shirt. "I didn't think I still had that…" he mumbled absentmindedly, picking out a simple tight black V-neck for himself.

"You mean this?" I asked, meaning the shirt. "How long have you had it?"

"Oh, quite a while. A friend gave it to me when we were kids," he said, going over to his mirror to fix his hair.

Axel sounded a bit sad as he talked about this friend. "Were you two close?"

"Yeah. We were the best of friends. But then he moved away right before fifth grade. I haven't seen him since. Well, actually he recently moved back here. He even goes to our school," Axel said, seeming to perk up a bit as he ran a bit of gel through his long, spiky hair.

"Really? Do I know him? What's he look like?" I was curious to meet anyone who would be friends with Axel. From what I _did_ know about him, I was surprised he had friends at all. The dude's insane!

"Yeah, you know him. He's a little short, but he's always been short compared to me. He has a bit of a temper, but rarely shows it. He's the nicest person I've ever met, but he's had a really hard time in life and I only wish I could've been there for him when he needed me…" he mumbled guiltily, tying a… really familiar necklace around his neck.

"Axel…" I said, things starting to click as memories resurfaced.

"C'mon, let's go get Demyx and Zexion," Axel interrupted, grabbing his jacket and keys and leaving the room.

Okay, what.

* * *

I tried asking Axel if what I was assuming was true, but every time I opened my mouth, he changed the subject; asking if I wanted to listen to music or if I was cold or warm or something else totally not relevant. Why would he bring up that story and not answer any of my questions? Damn Axel…

We got to the hospital in under a half hour, helping Demyx bring Zexion to the car. Zexion ended up falling asleep as we drove them back to Demyx's.

"Axel, why don't we just take Zexion back to his own house? Wouldn't his parents be worried?" I asked Axel after we dropped them off. I had noticed that no one ever brought up Zexion's home life.

"Now's not the right time for you to know that, Roxas," Axel said, putting all his attention to the road. Axel was so dodgy today; it was really pissing me off.

Then again, I didn't necessarily blame him. I didn't want him to get too close to me and he clearly held the same feelings. Then why would he go through the trouble of kissing me and getting me to go out with him? Why would he go through all that trouble if he wasn't going to do anything about it afterwards? How long did he plan on keeping this up?

"Axel, why won't you talk to me?"

"I already told you, Roxas. If you didn't kill yourself in a month, then I'd answer any question you had," he stated. Oh yeah, I had completely forgot about that.

"Then why tell me that story about your friend and then leave me hanging?"

"I didn't mean to. It just kind of slipped out, honestly. I wanted to wait and tell you all that later, but yeah. I'm not gonna give you a straight answer till then, though," Axel explained. Well at least that made sense… "So, do you want to go hang out or…?" Axel asked, his mood changing again.

"Uhm, I think I should be getting home. I have some homework I should really get done," I said, sort of meaning it. I did have homework, but there was no way in hell I was actually planning on doing it.

"Do you need some help?" Axel offered. He must've not had anything to do or something.

"No, it's just a few worksheets."

"Oh, alright. I'll take you home, then," Axel stated. He said a simple "bye" as he dropped me off, not looking at me or making any move to kiss or hug me.

"Axel, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Text me later?" he asked, not really seeming to care.

"Y-Yeah, I'll text you." And with that, I closed the car door and watched him speed off. What was that all about?

* * *

I was sitting on the front porch of my house, swinging on the bench that hung from the roof of it. What Axel was talking about seriously bugged me. It was clear that the story of the boy who gave him the shirt was me… but for some reason I couldn't remember anything. _'Is there even anything to remember?'_, I wondered. If there was, then I know Cloud and Tifa would have told me. Unless… maybe it was something bad? If it was, would they tell me? Probably not…

There _was_ someone else I could ask, though. My godfather, Zack, Cloud's best friend… and ex-boyfriend. Yes, my dad is bi. He's been bi since he was in middle school and Zack was his first friend and boyfriend. Apparently they had a big fight (that he won't tell me about) and broke up, but somehow they stayed best friends. Then he met my mother and had me and Zack was asked to be my godfather. One time I asked my mom if she ever worried that my father would leave her for Zack, but she just laughed. She said Cloud wouldn't dare cheat on her. She said she knew Cloud loved her with all his heart and, should he cheat, she'd kill both of them and, actually, I believed her.

Luckily for me, Zack didn't live too far away from us. But for some reason, I hadn't seen him in quite a long time. I remembered when I was younger he would come over a lot, almost every weekend, and play with me. But… then he just stopped. I never knew why. Guess this is the time to find out why.

Zack lived near the edge of town, at least an hour and a half walk from my house. Not too bad. I sent mom a quick text, letting her know I was okay, before I set off on my quest. Good thing I had my iPod or this would've seemed like I was walking for forever. I had "Who Are You Now" by Sleeping With Sirens and various other songs blasting in my ears.

"_Made me hate my own reflection, question every choice I make. So I could try to be perfect, but I won't try to be fake."_

Before I knew it, I was at the edge of Zack's lawn. I turned off my iPod, wrapping the headphones around the device and stuffing it in my pocket. I took a deep breath, though I wasn't sure why. Was I nervous? Was it because I hadn't seen Zack in a while? Was he even home? I looked to the driveway, seeing his motorcycle parked near the garage door. Yup, he was home. So what was I waiting for?

I took a deep breath and walked through the driveway to the front door. Taking another moment, I knocked. There was no sound for a few minutes, so I started to assume he was either sleeping, or walked somewhere. I checked the time on my phone: it was almost noon.

I was about to turn away and give up my search there for now when suddenly, I heard some stuff getting knocked over, followed by a string of curses. A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing Zack.

Zack was a big dude, first of all. He was kind of a fitness nut, and once planned to go into the military. Something happened with his girlfriend, Aerith, that made him choose not to. It was good to see that, at least, that incident didn't stop him from keeping up his physique.

"Look, I don't want your damn boy scout-… Roxas?" he asked, a smile appearing on his face. "Roxas, that's you, isn't it? Damn, you got big! C'mon, c'mon inside!" He ushered me inside, heading straight to the kitchen and grabbing two beers. "Let's keep this a secret from your dad, okay?" he said, smiling and handing one to me.

This is why I loved Zack. He was the coolest!

"So," he started, opening up the beer, "what brings you down here?"

He opened up mine as well before sitting down in an armchair. I held the bottle tightly in my hands, for some reason, nervous. "I… wanted to ask you about when I was little."

"Well you got your parents for that, don't you? Why come ask me? Not that I'm not happy to see you or anything, Rox."

That made me giggle a bit. "Me and my parents haven't exactly been on good terms since we moved back here," I shrugged.

"Honestly, I'd be surprised if you were," Zack said, taking a swig of his beer. "Y'know, after all that's happened here."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean? Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?" Zack blinked, clearly shocked that I was forgetting something. He told me to wait a minute as he set his beer down and disappeared down the hall. After about twenty minutes and several strings of curses later, Zack reappeared from the hall and sat back down, several scrapbooks in his hands.

"Remember this," he said, handing me the first one.

I took it hesitantly; a little scared of what I might find. I set the beer down, flipping to the first page, which were pictures of me as a baby. "Zack, these are just my baby pictures. What am I supposed to remember from being a baby?"

"Just keep looking."

I flipped through the pages, and I started seeing me in the same area, but with different clothes. Looking at the dates, I saw that they were taken at the same time. What? Eventually, I came across several other pictures… but there were _two of me._ Scared, I closed the scrapbook shut and threw it onto the coffee table, almost knocking over my beer.

"What the hell? Are those photoshopped? Why are there _two of me_ in those pictures?!"

"There isn't two of you, Roxas. It's you and another person," Zack slowly and poorly explained.

"Another person? Who else would look _exactly_ like me, Zack?!"

"…You're brother, Ventus. How do you not remember him? You're twins, after all."

…That… That couldn't be possible. I'm an only child! I don't have a brother, let alone a _twin_! Besides, even if I _did_ have one, how could I not remember him? In the pictures, we looked to be about six or seven. How could I not remember a _brother_?

"Zack, you've got to be kidding… right? I mean… That, that sort of thing…" I couldn't even ask him properly. This just wasn't making any sense… And if it did… Did Axel have anything to do with it? He _did_ say I knew him, but just didn't remember. Is maybe this what he meant? But how?

"Roxas, I'm telling the truth. Why don't you remember?" Zack asked, looking curious and concerned.

"I… I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to be remembering… Zack, I'm gonna go." Before Zack could even make a protest as to why I shouldn't, I got up and ran out of the house. Just my luck, though, I ran into Aerith.

"Oh, my! …Roxas? Is that you? What are you doing here?" she asked, picking up her purse that fell out of her arms when I bumped into here.

"I…"

"Roxas! Come back!" I heard Zack call.

"Aerith, I'll see you later." And with that, I took off, not even bothering to look behind me. I was too busy searching through every memory I had for this "Ventus" kid and, hopefully, something of Axel. So far, I had nothing.

Since I had practically run the entire way back to my house, and I was zoned out half the time, I didn't fully realize it when I ran straight into my front door and landed on my ass. Yeah, that hurt like a bitch. I heard the door open to reveal my dad.

"Roxas? Why'd you just run into the door? Are you okay?" he asked, holding out his hand to help me up.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, out of breath and holding my nose which, when I pulled back my hand, noticed was bleeding. Greeeeaaaatttt. Cloud just shook his head, ushering me into the house and having me sit on the couch. Just then, Tifa walked in. Even more great.

"Roxas, what'd you do this time?" she asked, examining my face.

"He ran into the door. That's your son, by the way," Cloud said, coming back with a towel. He handed me the towel and sat next to me, asking why I was in such a rush.

"I went to see Zack…" I started, "and he showed me some pictures."

"You weren't looking at porn, were you?" Cloud asked, half-jokingly.

"No, Dad… He showed me some pictures of when I was little, and… I saw someone in a lot of the pictures with me… It was a boy who… who looked exactly like me."

My parents gasped at that. So they _did_ know something. Why hide it?

"Did… Did he tell you who it was…?" Tifa hesitantly asked.

I nodded. "He… he said it was my twin brother, Ventus. But-But that can't be right, right Mom? Dad? I don't have a brother… right?"

They looked to each other, giving each other the "we-can't-hide-it-any-longer" look, and suddenly I got really scared.

"Roxas… We had hoped… We would never have to tell you this," Cloud started. "You… did have a brother…"

"W-What do you mean… did?"

"Sweetheart…" Tifa said, choking a bit over her words. She covered her mouth with her hand as she stood up and went to the kitchen. I could hear her muffled sobs and I was suddenly debating whether or not figuring out the truth was a good idea or not.

"Roxas," Cloud said, getting my attention back. "You're brother… Ventus… He died a long time ago. You were about six."

"Wha…." I couldn't make sense of anything. My head had been hurting since I first saw the photos and I couldn't fathom why and just… everything was pissing me off for some reason.

"Why don't I remember him…?"

"When he died, the doctors said you went into shock and they guessed to save yourself from pain, you decided it'd be better to just forget him. Your mother and I thought it would be better not to try and bring up any of your memories. You were a mess for days after Ventus died…. We didn't want you hurt, son…" Cloud explained, his eyes glassy from unshed tears.

"How… How did he die…?"

"He was killed…" he whispered, Tifa's sobs continuing from the kitchen.

"Did we live here before…?"

"Yeah… We left a bit after Ventus died, and we swore we'd never come back in fear that your memory would return. But the last job I had wasn't going to keep us going forever, Roxas, and I want you to go to college. I got a _really_ good job offer here, and I just… I couldn't pass it up…"

"Does… Does the name 'Axel' mean anything to us, Dad?" At that, he looked up, pure surprise in his gaze. Tifa had also stopped crying.

"So he still lives here…" I heard Tifa say.

"Roxas, how do you know that name?" Cloud asked, sounding angry. I got scared again.

"I-I know him from school. Why? What's wrong?"

"Roxas, I want you to listen, alright? Don't get involved with that boy," Cloud said sternly.

"Why?"

"Don't ask questions, just listen to me, okay? Stay away from Axel."

"Al-Alright…" I mumbled. Good thing they didn't _actually_ know how I knew Axel.

"Okay… Any more questions?" I shook my head no. I was having trouble processing what I already learned. "Alright. Go on up to your room till dinner."

I ran to my room, closing and locking the door before throwing myself on the bed. Okay, Roxas, what have you learned today?

I have a twin brother. His name is Ventus. He was killed when we were six. Axel has something to do with it, apparently. I mean, if he didn't, Cloud wouldn't be so serious about it.

The real question was… how did Axel connect to all this?

* * *

I let out a huge sigh as I walked through the halls at school. All my classes had been so hard up to that point and all I wanted was to get to my locker to drop off my stupid book bag and enjoy my lunch period without a huge amount of interruptions.

In short, I was done. I just wanted the stupid dumb-asses to leave me alone and the fact I'd left my headphones at home that morning did no sort of help whatsoever. Taking another deep breath, I put my head down as I saw Xemnas and his Douche Patrol walking down the hall around my locker, pissing other people off with their loud talking and bantering.

"Hey look, it's the local faggot!" I clenched my jaw, fighting the huge urge not to say a word as I just started opening my locker.

Could my day have gotten any worse? What was next? Axel coming up to me and kissing me again after what Cloud said to me last night? Xemnas was still babbling away beside me. He probably thought that I gave a rat's shiny disease infected ass, but all I heard was the occasional name.

"You know what; you really should have done it. You should have killed yourself."

I felt like the hallway fell silent to everything but what he was saying now, his Douche Patrol joining in gladly.

"Should have swallowed them."

"You could have..."

"...pills..."

"...swallowed..."

"... no love..."

"...dead brother..."

It was all swirling around me, like I was the middle of my own personal hellish universe. Their faces started turning around me, like they were walking as they spoke. Everything they were saying was getting to me. It would be so damn _fucking easy_ to just grab more pills, to use a razor in the bath, to jump from the roof. _To just end it!_

It would stop this pain, wouldn't it? I pretty much know the story Axel was going to tell me now, anyways, didn't I? I was the friend and my family and I stuck around in town until Ventus died before leaving and coming back this year.

Ventus... I wonder what kind of person he was like. Was he exactly like me, or was he different? I don't even remember if we were close or not, if we fought or not. That might be where Axel ties into this, though, telling me what my brother was like.

"You're going to die like your brother; murdered in the dark." I felt my heart seize as Xemnas's voice rang that line through my head. My entire body froze as I looked passed him and the Douche Patrol to see me walking down the hallway further down; just turning a corner and looking right at me.

Ventus.

Without even thinking of the people around me, I started running down the hallway, yelling for people to get the fuck out of my way. He looked so real, like looking in a mirror, just like me. His eyes look just like Clouds and Aerith's we're mixed together into the most captivating Prussian blue.

As I rounded the corner, the sounds in the hallway picked back up again and it got so loud I'm sure it would have been quieter at a Sleeping With Sirens concert right beside all the speakers in the front row.

"Ventus!" The name wasn't unfamiliar on my tongue and I said it quite easily, despite the heavy emotions that welled inside me that I didn't quite know.

From the back, his hair looked just like mine; spiking and un-tamable. I tried as hard as I could to catch up, but every step I got closer he seemed to get two ahead of me. Eventually, we got out of school, my books on the hallway floor completely forgotten as I rushed after him and off of the school's property.

I followed him through the streets of town. He was walking normally but covering twice as much distance as me, and I was _running_. This part of town we were going to reminded me of something. I wasn't sure what yet; maybe our old house would be at the end of this game of 'follow the leader' that it felt like we were playing.

The landscape started changing around me and Ventus started getting closer. I slowed down to a jog before stopping altogether and just looking around. Things around us had become an insane green color that instantly reminded me of Axel's eyes and all those gorgeous pictures of Ireland I've looked up on the internet. The grass under my feet didn't look or feel like it'd been stepped on in years aside from a narrow path of thinner grass leading up to a huge willow tree, its tendril-like branches hanging down over this little hidden world.

"V-Ventus... is-…what?" He was six when he died, wasn't he? Why did he look just like me now? "H-How did you die?" I still don't know if it was nerves or being out of breath that made me stutter the first word of my sentences, but he didn't seem to want to answer as he just looked at me before looking around once again.

"Are you going to answer me? Are you even Ventus?" I received a nod of the head from him, indicating I was at least in the right ballpark for figuring out the plaguing memories that had started coming in short bursts of segments I no longer knew as reality or not.

"Ventus, how did you die…? Please, I need to know. How did I forget you if you're my brother?" It didn't look like he was about to answer me, so I let out a sigh and shook my head, deciding to look around the area again.

"This place doesn't really look this way anymore. It's just more memories, Roxas. Less painful ones," I finally heard him say. I didn't dare look at him, though; scared that if I turned my head another few degrees, then he would vanish. "If you want your memories back, don't listen to dad. Axel might be the only one who can help you."

"Or you could tell me everything and I could cut out the middle-man," I suggested.

"It doesn't work that way, Roxas. You obviously can't jog your own memories. You and I both know that Cloud and Tifa aren't going to tell you. And Zack isn't, now that Cloud knows you have a chance at regaining your memories."

With a sigh I turned to face him to see if I could talk to my twin but only let out a yelp as I saw a child version on my face, his face, our face? He looked like he was in serious pain, tear tracks down his face indicating he was crying and his eyes were bright red. "Ven-"

"Rox, Rox I'm scared... Rox, help me!"

* * *

"No!" I shot up in my bed so quickly that morning that I almost fell off the edge, wobbling for a few seconds before I stabilized myself and took deep, shaking breaths. What the hell?!

* * *

**Merry Christmas! Sorry this chapter is so late, I've been having MAJOR writer's block lately Dx Hopefully this long chapter will make up for it c:**

At first, I didn't really like where the chapter was going. Then I talked with my gorgeous beta, Elizabeth Anne19, and she made it awesome .u. I love you, hun~!

**I love all you guys, too! Hope you have a safe holiday and I'll see you next year! Be sure to leave reviews and New Year's wishes~  
**

**Sleeping With Sirens songs and lyrics (c) respective owners.  
Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura.  
**

**Happy Holidays~!  
**


	6. I Don't Know

I didn't bother trying to text Axel the next day. He blew up my phone and Cloud and Tifa had told me that he stopped by a few times, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him. That's why I was dreading the next day of school.

Honestly, I didn't want to go. I was still feeling like shit from the past Friday, but I mostly just didn't want to talk to anybody. I tried to convince Cloud to let me stay, but he wouldn't hear of it. Oh sure, _now_ he decides to care about my education. Lovely.

I walked into the building, glad Xemnas was nowhere in sight. He either got suspended, which I highly doubted, or he was just afraid of Axel. I was going for option two.

Zexion had apparently stayed home, but Demyx was there. Along with Axel. They were by Axel's locker, and Axel looked really troubled. I was probably the cause. Unfortunately, my class was right by Axel's locker. Oh, this should be fun.

"Roxas!" Axel said, a smile quickly appearing on his face. Might as well get it over with.

"Hey, Axel…" I half-heartedly greeted, walking up to him and Demyx.

"What happened yesterday? I tried to talk to you all day but you never answered."

"I had a really bad headache and ended up sleeping all day," I easily lied. When you go through a life like mine, lying becomes almost as easy as speaking itself.

"How've you been feeling since then, anyway, Roxas?" Demyx asked.

"I could be better," I shrugged. "Zexion still not feeling too well?"

"…He started throwing up last night… I don't know why, but he can't seem to keep anything but water down. I called the doctor again and he said it's probably some form of post-traumatic stress or something…" Demyx explained, not making eye contact with either of us.

Normally, I wouldn't give two shits about this. But considering this basically happened because of me, I was feeling really guilty. Zexion didn't seem like the type that would be as strong as me with this kind of stuff. Then again, nothing this bad has ever happened to me, either. I'm surprised I haven't gone through some sort of panic attack…

"Damn, do you think he'll be okay?" Axel asked.

"I sure hope so… I haven't slept all weekend, I'm so worried…" Demyx sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Just then, the bell rang, signaling the students to hall their tired, coffee drinking butts to class. We parted ways, me more grateful not to have to talk to Axel anymore.

Ever since I learned about Ventus and had that dream, I've had a bad feeling about Axel. I had debated about confronting him about it, but I knew that would do me no good. Right now, the only thing I had to live for was the truth; and that wasn't going to come to me till the end of the month.

Wait, what am I thinking? Isn't this just a perfect opportunity to end it early? I could just get what I wanted from Axel, then go on to peace. So… what was stopping me?

* * *

The rest of the week was actually pretty quiet. There was not much of a distraction from the Douche Patrol and Zexion even came back to school on Wednesday. Axel could tell I was distancing myself from him a bit more, but he didn't approach me on the subject and I was grateful for that. All in all, it was a pretty quiet week.

Except for the constant nightmares.

Every night that week, I had a nightmare about Ventus's death. I knew it was Ventus, but for some reason, it always seemed to be me that was killed. I stopped trying to figure out which one of us was getting killed at some point. Unfortunately, I had them every time I tried to fall asleep. So, I haven't slept in a week.

I never cared much for myself before, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna start now. Then again, my tiredness was starting to catch up with me. My head was constantly pounding and my eyes burned with exhaustion. Forget about focusing in class, I had enough trouble staying awake. I couldn't afford to fall asleep, though. I just had to deal with this for two more weeks and then it would end. But, of course, my boyfriend's an observant bastard.

"Roxas, what the hell is going on?" Axel asked out of the blue during lunch.

"Huh?" I was so out of it. I had zoned out and was playing with the straw from my juice box.

"You've been out of it for days and you look like you're about to pass out on the fucking table. Is something going on that I should know about?"

"No, nothing really. Just been staying up to work on a project, that's all," I said, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. God, I really did have lying mastered, didn't I?

"…You're staying the night tonight," Axel stated.

"What? Axel, I can't just – "

"You can and you will. I'll stop by your house so you can get some clothes and such, but you _are _staying the night." By Axel's tone, I knew there was going to be no point in trying to argue with him. That and I was far too tired to try. So I just gave in.

* * *

"What do you want for dinner, Roxy?" Axel asked as we dropped out bags off in his room.

"I dunno, you pick," I answered, sitting down on his bed and pulling out my laptop.

"What're you doing there?" Axel asked, taking a seat next to me on the bed.

"Doing a little more research for my project," I said, pulling up my browser. Before I could type in some history bullshit, Axel closed my laptop and tossed it on a pile of blankets he had at the foot of the bed.

"Axel, what're you – " And then he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me down on the bed with him.

"We're gonna take a nap," he stated. "And don't even try to argue, cuz you're not gonna win. I'm not stupid, Roxas. You need sleep and I'm going make damn sure you get it." God, am I ever even going to get a chance to argue with this guy? I was scared that I was going to have another nightmare, and I didn't want to have to explain those to Axel, but I was already falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I felt Axel pull a blanket over us and whisper something in my ear before I passed out.

I woke up a few hours later, around eight or so, and Axel was gone. I debated going back to sleep, but I was slightly curious as to where he went. So I dragged my tired ass out of bed and walked downstairs to see Axel in the kitchen.

"Hey, Axel," I said, rubbing some sleep out of my eyes and yawning.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. What're you doing up?" he asked, setting a bowl down and coming over to place a small kiss on my cheek.

"I was hungry," I said, realizing that I actually could go for food.

"Well that's good, cuz I was in the middle of making some," he smiled, returning to his bowl.

"What're you making?" I asked, looking at all the laid out foods on the counters.

"Spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread," he smiled.

"I love Italian. Can I help?"

"Sure. Those vegetables need to be washed off, if you wouldn't mind."

I looked over and saw a variety of veggies spread out by the sink. I washed my hands and washed them off and by the time I was done, Axel had traded foods with me. I strained the spaghetti noodles while he cut the vegetables up and threw the salad. When all that was done, the garlic bread came out of the oven and the sauce was done on the stove. Axel grabbed out plates and forks for us, telling me to just grab what I wanted and meet him on the couch.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Axel asked from the floor, where he already started tearing through his first piece of garlic bread.

"Sure," I said, taking a seat next to him on the floor and setting my plate on the coffee table.

"Shrek okay with you?" he asked, standing up and searching through a bookshelf with multitudes of movies on it.

"That's fine," I shrugged twirling the spaghetti around my fork. He put the movie in and we pretty much zoned out as we ate and watched the movie.

After that, we cleaned up the leftovers and just decided to lounge on the couch. Axel trapped me in his arms, me practically in his lap as we lay there. About half an hour past before I started dozing off. Axel's breathing had evened out, so I thought he was asleep, too. Until he broke the silence.

"Roxas, you awake?"

"Mm?" I mumbled, really comfortable and not wanting to move or open my eyes.

"I just realized you never told our parents you were staying here. Come to think of it, you didn't do it last weekend, either. Aren't they going to wonder where you are?"

"No, not really…" I muttered, still trying to fall asleep.

"How come?"

"I'm not home during the weekend, anyway."

"Where do you go?"

"…" I came out when I was in middle school. That's when the bullying and such started. Every weekend, I would run away and hide out at Zack's house. We lived in a different city at the time, so I had to take a bus, but it was worth it. I had my own room there, but Zack never knew I was there because I would sneak in through the window. During the day I would wander around, mostly hiding out at the library. For the first month or so, Cloud and Tifa worried their asses off looking for me. One weekend, they just stopped. Even after I moved here, I kept up my little run away. It was the only time I had to myself, really.

"Roxas?" he asked, snapping me out of it by sitting up. Dammit.

"I don't stay home on the weekend. I just… like having alone time," I summarized.

"Oh… is… is me making you stay here cutting off that alone time?" Axel asked, sounding a little worried of my answer.

"No… actually, this is a lot better…" I admitted. God, my words and thoughts just don't seem to match anymore.

I don't want anything to do with Axel. But at the same time, I feel like I can't leave him alone. Am I just using him? Is that what I'm doing? I mean, as soon as I get what I want from him, I'm just gonna turn around and do what he seems to be trying so hard to prevent. God, I'm such an ass… What am I doing, really?

"Really?" Axel asked in partial disbelief.

"Yeah," I smiled. He sat up a bit more, me almost falling off his lap, but he caught me. He grabbed my chin, pulling my face closer to his before he closed the space between us. We separated a moment later and I was frozen.

"Roxas?" I let out a breath I didn't full realize I was holding and blinked a few times.

"O-Oh, I just wasn't expecting that." I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I blushed. Axel chuckled, resuming our position of lounging on the couch. I rested my back against his chest and before I knew it, I fell asleep.

I don't know how long that lasted until I felt Axel sit up again, setting me in his arms. He could tell I was waking up, so he shooshed me and told me just to go back to sleep, which I happily did. It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up again. I sat up and took notice of the fact that I was back in Axel's room and that said red-head was passed out next to me on the bed. I also noticed something else.

I didn't have a nightmare.

I didn't dream at all, as a matter of fact. That was a first. But why didn't I? After going almost a whole week with them, I was starting to pretty much expect them. So what made them stop? It couldn't be… It wasn't because I was with Axel, was it? I mean, the nightmares were sort of about him. At least, I thought they were. They were always kind of fuzzy, and the only faces I could ever clearly make out were Ventus's and my own. But that seriously couldn't mean anything… could it?

I stayed the night again at Axel's before going home Sunday night, where I was yet again haunted by nightmares. Not like I didn't expect it. School Monday was most definitely going to be hell, though.

* * *

The week before, I noticed as I fell asleep though most of my classes, that the nightmares only happen when I'm in a certain place. Yeah, I don't get it, either. Anyway, I was in my English class the next time I passed out and had a nightmare. Axel and the Douche Patrol were both in that class with me.

"Mister Strife!" the teacher shouted, jerking me awake in my seat.

"Don't hurt him!" I shouted, waking up from a nightmare. In the middle of class. Fuck. The class erupted in laughter at my outburst, Seifer leading them. Axel just gave a worried and confused look.

"Class, calm down," the teacher instructed. The laughter died down, but my embarrassment didn't. "Mister Strife, this is the third time I have caught you sleeping in my class. One more time, and I'm going to have to give you detention."

"Yes, ma'am." And with that, she went back to teaching. Later on in class, she had us split into pairs to do a worksheet. Axel, of course, paired with me. Seifer, of course, didn't fail to notice.

"So, Rocks-ass! Why're you so tired? Overworking the whore business? And on a school night, too! You have no shame," Seifer taunted, obviously he and Saix choosing the seats next to Axel and I. Xemnas, however, chose seats on the other side of the room.

Axel's fists tightened as he restrained himself, but he still mouthed the words 'ignore him' to me. That's exactly what I planned on doing. Then again, Seifer made it hard to do so. Where he got the balls to come up to us, I'll never know. Especially now, since he hadn't even bothered to look at me for a week.

"Not even going to deny it? Damn, I knew all you fags just liked it in the ass. Apparently you more than others, eh?" Saix was chuckling the whole time while Seifer started poking me, trying to get a reaction out of me. Anger was rising quickly in me, but I was determined not to stoop to his low level. "Hey, Rocks-ass, how much do you go for? Maybe twenty bucks a night? I might know some people who have some steam they need blowing off and a cheap piece of ass like you is just what they need." Okay, that's it. I planned on popping him in the jaw and going off on him, but Axel beat me to it.

He stood up, slapping Seifer straight across the face. The sound of his hand meeting Seifer's face resonated throughout the room, sending it into silence. Axel never stood out in class, and just now, he crushed that streak. Even the teacher was shocked.

"Shut the fuck up, Seifer! Stop acting like you know everything about a person, cuz you don't! You have no right to say that to anyone and you don't have the right to tease someone for their sexuality! Has someone being gay ever directly affected you in any way? I highly doubt it." Axel grabbed my upper arm, lifting me out of the seat and picking up our backpacks. "You know, it's okay to be jealous of us. But just because you _are_ a dick, doesn't mean you're going to get any."

And with that, Axel kissed me. Right in the middle of class. Some people rooted for us, some took pictures, and some wrinkled their nose in disgust. I swear one girl's nose started bleeding. "One more thing: his name's _Roxas._"

And with that, Axel dragged me out of the class.

* * *

"So… why are we at the ice cream parlor?" I asked as Axel ordered ice cream for the both of us.

"I dunno. Just felt like it, really," he shrugged. After telling Seifer off, Axel had taken me to his car and we skipped the rest of the school day. We got our ice cream and took a seat in the farthest booth. "I think you'll like this flavor, Rox."

"What is it?" I asked, looking at the aquamarine-colored frozen treat.

"Sea-salt ice cream. My favorite," he answered, taking a rather large bite and smiling. I took a spoonful of it myself and looked at it questioningly before tasting the ice cream.

My eyes went wide as flavor exploded in my mouth and it felt like I had the worst brain freeze in history.

* * *

"_Roxas! Ventus! You guys _have_ to try this new ice cream flavor they just got!" he exclaimed._

"_But -, what if we don't like it? You would've used your allowance for nothing," Ven pointed out._

"_Don't worry, Ven, I promise you'll like it. Have I ever been wrong?"_

"_There was the one time you told us there would definitely be cookies if we helped you clean your room. But there weren't any cookies," I chipped in, Ven giggling._

"_Yeah, but you got cookies at school the next day! So you still got them!"_

"_Only because our mom packed them in our lunch."_

"_God, Rox, you're such a stickler for detail!" Ventus and I laughed, poking our friend's shoulder. "Are you gonna eat the ice cream now, or can I just have it all?"_

"_We're gonna eat it!" Ven and I stated simultaneously. Together, we lifted a spoonful of the funny colored treat to our mouth, making a face at the taste. It was different._

"_It's salty…" Ven started._

"_But sweet…" I finished._

"_Yeah! It's sea-salt ice cream! Isn't it awesome?" our friend smiled. "Roxas! Roxas! Roxas!"_

"_What?"_

"_Roxas! Roxas! Roxas!" he kept repeating._

"_What? What do you want?" He just kept repeating my name and it was getting very irritating._

"_Roxas! Roxas! Roxas!"_

* * *

"Roxas!"

My eyes refocused and my headache calmed down immensely. Ventus and the other kid were gone and I was back at the ice cream parlor with Axel.

"Roxas, are you okay? You zoned out again and you looked like you were about to cry…"

Shit. Of course I did. I always had day dreams and nightmares about that kid and they always made me sad for some reason. "I'm okay. I'm okay, Axel. Just… thinking of an old friend."

* * *

**Oh look! An update that DIDN'T take a month or more c: ****  
Happy New Years', guys~ I'm glad I'm starting off the new year with a chapter I actually really like. Hope you guys like it, too~**

**Thanks to my lovely beta, Elizabeth-Anne19, who has been helping me throughout the whole story since I'm a loser, lol.  
Characters (c) Tetsuya Nomura.  
**

**Reviews would be lovely~  
**


	7. A Step Closer

"Nothing, just… remembering an old friend," I mumbled, stirring the ice cream with my spoon.

"Well that was pretty random," Axel shrugged, returning to his own treat.

After that, I couldn't stop taking glances at Axel. That last flashback was a lot clearer than the others, and I was able to pick out a lot more details; a few of those details being flaming red hair and piercing green eyes.

Axel had already said I knew him, but didn't remember him. Maybe now, after spending time with him, I was starting to. Even Ventus had said Axel had some secrets. All signs pointed to my idiotic boyfriend! All I seriously needed, though, was a confession.

"Hey, Axel? Can I ask you something?" I said, still playing with the ice cream.

"Sure, what's up?" he asked back.

"I've… been having a lot of dreams lately…"

"That's not a question, Roxy." I glanced up and saw him smiling warmly before it faltered. "What kind of dreams?"

"Well, they're more like… memories, I think…" I started, keeping my eyes on the melting treat in my bowl. "They're usually about… my… my brother…" I glanced up at Axel, who hadn't really made any noise after a few minutes of me tearing up the ice cream. His eyes were wide and he looked like he had seen a ghost. "Axel…?"

"You… you have a brother?" he gulped, his eyes glued to the table and his now slightly trembling hands.

"I… I did… He's dead…" Wow. That… That really hurt to say. We must've been maybe eight when Ventus died. And on top of that, I forgot about him for another eight or so years. And it still hurts…? Were we that close or something? Did I miss him that much, even after all this time?

"Oh…" Axel didn't say much after that. We finished our ice cream in silence before he took me home. For the next few days, Axel zoned out a lot. He didn't seem much like Axel after I told him about Ventus. Could there be a reason for that?

Asking Axel up front would get me nowhere, since there was still little under a week before the month was up. There was no way I could wait that long. Maybe his friends knew? What if I asked Demyx and Zexion knew? Zexion did go back to school and seemed to be doing alright, lately. I seem to be asking a lot of questions lately, don't I? I blame Axel.

* * *

After school on Wednesday, I walked over to Demyx's house, intent on getting a few answers. I knocked on the door and, kind of surprisingly, it was Zexion who opened the door. And for some reason, he didn't have a shirt on. "Roxas?"

"Hey, Zexion. Is Demyx here, too?" I asked, standing kind of awkwardly in the doorway.

"Zex, who's at the door?" I heard a voice call from the other side of the house.

"Hey, Demyx!" I called back, startling Zexion a bit. I shot him a quick apology for shouting as Demyx tripped his way into the living room.

"Hey, Roxas, what's up? Shouldn't you be with Axel?" Why he thought I'd like to spend every waking moment with Axel, I'll never know. And he apparently didn't notice the tension Axel and I were having. Just goes to show how oblivious the sitar-player could be sometimes.

"No, I came here to talk to you guys," I smiled. Zexion looked to Demyx, they both shrugged, then Zexion moved aside to let me in before disappearing down the hall – most likely in search of a shirt. Demyx offered me a seat on the couch, which I took, before plopping down next to me.

"So! What does little Roxy want from Demy and Zexy~?" he asked as Zexion walked back in, torso now covered, and lightly smacking Demyx in the back of the head.

"Don't call me that," he stated monotonously, sitting in the chair adjacent from the couch.

"Aww, but you love it when I call you that! Especially when I put my hand down your pants and whisper – "

"So, Roxas, what is it that you want?" Zexion interrupted with a slight blush. I wasn't even going to ask.

"I wanted to ask… about Axel."

"Why, did he do something?" Demyx asked, now concerned about his friend.

"No… at least I don't think so…" I trailed off.

"What do you mean?" Zexion asked.

"I told him something about me… and now he's not acting like himself… and I don't know what I said to trigger that. So I was wondering if you guys would know," I explained.

"Oh, that's nothing to worry about, Roxas. Sometimes Axel overthinks things and just goes off in his own little world for a while," Demyx shrugged.

"Is there any reason for that?"

"Hmm…" Demyx thought for a moment. "I'm not really sure. It could be something from his past. But I've only known him since seventh grade. And even then, when I asked, he just said it was something bad and he didn't like talking about it. At first I thought it was a family death, but then his mom told me that Axel didn't have any attachment to his dead family," Demyx explained, Zexion and I listening intently. Apparently this was Zexion's first time hearing any of this, too.

"Something bad?" Zexion jumped back in.

"Yeah, sorry, that's all I – " Before Demyx could finish his sentence, there was a rather loud buzzing noise. Demyx jumped a bit and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, looking shocked at the name flashing across his screen. "What do you want?" he growled through clench teeth into the receiver.

Zexion sighed, standing up and walking over to the kitchen. "You know full-fucking-well why I'm not coming back, so stop calling here!" Demyx shouted, making me jump. He hung up on the call and threw his phone across the room, the device landing in a desk chair. Zexion came back and gave his boyfriend a beer, then choosing to sit next to me.

"What was that all about?" I asked, extremely confused.

Demyx huffed, obviously very pissed, as he started downing the beer. When he finished, he stood up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a few more bottles before coming back and opening another.

"Dem, slow down…" Zexion begged, giving his boyfriend a very sad look. Demyx ignored him, drinking the second beer almost as quickly as he did the first one. Zexion sighed again. He tugged on my sleeve and pointed to the hall, silently telling me to go with him.

I stood up and followed Zexion to the hall. He leaned against the wall, holding his head in his hand. "I don't like it when he drinks…"

I looked back to Demyx, who somehow was already on his third bottle. How was he drinking them so fast? "So why did you give him the beer?" Zexion's logic was making no sense.

"That was probably his father on the phone…" Zexion said, looking back to Demyx with pain in his eyes. I was going to ask what was so bad about that, but I decided to let Zexion tell me when he wanted to. After a few moments, he turned back to me and said, "His father kicked him out a year ago. And now he's trying to get Demyx to go back home. He drinks so that he doesn't do something worse, and it's only when his father's brought up, so I let him." Now the logic was making sense.

"Why did his father kick him out?"

"He found out about his relationship with me…" Zexion said solemnly. "Demyx's grades were dropping a bit when we started going out. He quickly got them back up before report cards, but his father still noticed the failure and blamed me. Demyx fought for us to be together and his father gave him a choice: break up with me and get a girlfriend, or leave."

Oh my god. I never would've imagined Demyx – the kid always making too much noise and smiling like an idiot – would have gone through that. And besides that, what kind of parents kick their son out just because of who they're dating? Parents are supposed to love their children no matter what; not kick them out just because they choose to like the same gender.

"This is his uncle's house. He was the only relative that would take Demyx in that lived in the area. His uncle's never home, but he's not the most… let's say 'caring' person on the planet," Zexion winced. I had a pretty good idea as to what he meant by that… but I didn't want to think about that right now. At least it explains why the house looks trashed all the time.

"So what are you doing here, Zexion? Don't you have your own house?" I didn't see much of a point of Zexion being here, even if it was just for Demyx.

"My parents kicked me out, too. My grades didn't suffer by even a point, and they didn't care I was dating a guy. They just didn't like that that guy was Demyx. They thought he would be a bad influence on me and that I would end up a failure. So they gave me the same choice, which I actually found a tad amusing," Zexion said, not seeming bothered by his past.

"Don't your parents ask you to come back or worry about you? You don't seem too upset," I pointed out, just as a test. I didn't want to bring up something that wasn't my place to.

"I'm with Demyx. That's all I could ever want. I mean, I'd rather we weren't at his uncle's house, but it's what we have, so I don't really mind all too much. And my parents aren't really ones to give a rat's ass about their son. They had my whole life planned out and they saw Demyx as a hindrance to that plan. When they saw how much I wasn't going to give up, they just gave up on me. Honestly, I'm glad I'm away from them. Now I can figure out a life for myself," Zexion said with a small smile.

Wow… They gave up everything they had… Just so they could be together… I wondered… I wondered if I would ever have the guts to do something like that. I wondered if I would ever love someone so much that I would risk everything and everyone just so that I could be with them… Then I wondered… Would that someone be Axel?

No. I seriously need to stop thinking like that. I know I keep going back and forth on this topic, but it's really all I can think about. Do I like Axel truly? Or am I just using him to give me more time? Or am I simply overthinking things?

I don't even know what's going on in my own mind and heart anymore.

"I should probably stop him before he gets too drunk," Zexion said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You should probably get home, too, Roxas. Unless there was something else you needed?"

"Oh, uh, no. Thanks for everything, Zexion," I forced a small smile. "I'll see you and Demyx at school tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, I'll make sure Dem doesn't get too bad a hangover." Zexion led me to the door, taking Demyx's beer away as he did so, and we agreed to talk more during lunch.

And with that, I left and walked home.

* * *

The next day at school, Axel still acted differently, but at least I now I had a vague idea as to why. Demyx, Zexion, Axel, and I were at lunch, not really talking about anything in particular, when I notice someone approaching our table.

"Well, if it isn't the local fags, all conveniently gathered at one table," Xemnas smirked, Saix and Seifer flagging him on both sides and snickering.

"Can we help you with anything, _Mansex_?" Demyx boldly asked. It was odd for him to have this kind of courage, apparently. But after seeing how he acted with his parents, I wasn't really shocked.

Xemnas's eye twitched in annoyance. "I'm here to settle a score," he simply stated.

"With?" I asked, wishing he would just vanish right off the face of the earth.

"Your fuck-buddy, of course." Axel's eyes widened. What would Xemnas want with him? Unless…

"Oh, this is about me kicking the snot out of you, isn't it?" Axel smirked proudly.

"Actually, it is. I want a rematch," Xemnas demanded. "Right here, right now."

"Are you insane? I'm not going to fight you in the middle of the cafeteria," Axel said, returning to his milk carton.

Xemnas didn't really like how Axel blew him off like that. He stepped up to him and knocked the milk out of Axel's hand, sending it all over his face and shirt. Axel backed up in shock and the rest of us were left with dropped jaws. There was no way Axel was going to take that lightly.

Axel glared at Xemnas, who was smirking with pride and high fived with Seifer and Saix. Axel stood up, crushing the milk carton in his fist. He practically growled at Xemnas as he threw it to the side and threw a punch right in his face. Demyx jumped from his seat, going straight for Axel and holding him back before he could throw another punch. Seifer and Saix did nothing to stop Xemnas as he came back and kneed Axel in the gut before backing up.

Axel broke free from Demyx's hold and went straight for Xemnas, throwing a punch across his cheek. The rest of the cafeteria had noticed what was going on by now and started to form a circle around the two fighting boys. Zexion and I were watching as Demyx tried to pry Xemnas and Axel apart. Seifer and Saix were getting the crowd riled up and jeering them on.

I looked around, seeing several teachers starting to look over at the growing crowd. Oh shit. "Axel! Axel, stop!" I shouted. My voice fell over deaf ears, though, as Axel and Xemnas kept trying to kill each other. Axel had already said that Xemnas wasn't worth getting in trouble over. He managed to keep that up, so I didn't understand what made him snap.

I saw the gym teacher trying to break through the jeering teenagers surrounding Axel and Xemnas and panicked, throwing myself into the fray and attempting to pull Axel out. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held tightly, Axel's elbow went back and hit me in the face, but I held on. Demyx came back and grabbed Axel's arms and together, we pulled Axel out, all the while Xemnas calling Axel a pussy for having to have Demyx and I pull him away. I shouted for Xemnas to shut the fuck up as I pulled Axel out just before the gym teacher came out and grabbed Xemnas' arm.

* * *

Axel was clearly disoriented as Demyx and I dragged him away from the cafeteria and out of the school. We brought him to the back, where we knew we wouldn't be disturbed, so Axel could rest in silence. Demyx helped me set Axel down, his back resting against the wall as he held a hand to his probably aching head. His cheek was turning a gross yellow color already and his lip was split. His knuckles had a bit of blood on them, but I wasn't sure if it was Axel's or Xemnas'.

I knelt down in front of Axel, lifting his chin with my forefinger and thumb so I could better assess the damage Xemnas had done to my boyfriend. "God, Ax, you look like shit," I tried to joke, Demyx agreeing.

"Well I sure as hell feel like shit. What the hell was wrong with him, anyway; attacking me like that?" Axel said, his eyes closed as he massaged his temples.

I shrugged. "Sometimes people are just assholes." My head throbbed a bit after I said that. I just brushed it off as a slight headache from Axel accidently elbowing my head.

Axel scoffed. "Yeah, you're right." Axel opened his eyes to look up at me, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Rox, you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Your nose is bleeding." I brought a hand up to my nose and, indeed, there was blood dripping out of it. My head started hurting again and I let out a gasp of pain as my other hand went to my head and tugged my hair. "Rox?"

_"Roxas! Help!"_

A voice rang in my ears, blocking out Axel's. I couldn't tell what was going on, but I felt myself falling until I was submerged in darkness.

* * *

**Okay, yes, I know this is LONG overdue and it's short, but I have just been feeling close to no motivation to finish this :I I don't want to abandon it because I really put a lot of thought into it, so I will finish this story no matter what. To make up for this chapter, the next one's gonna be pretty long, so look forward to that c: **

**Once again, I am oh so very sorry this took too long. A lot of stuff has happened and I just haven't been able to wrap my mind around this story. I'm going to try and get back into it, though, because I think a few of you actually like it. **

**So there. Review, favorite, follow, all that jiz. Love you guys and thanks for sticking around c:**

**Beta-d by my lovely Elizabeth-Anne19. Love you, sweetie~**


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